moving...

I was so excited about moving. But no one else seems to be anymore (except my sister, who wants my room). Actually, to be honest, most people are excited, just not the people I need to be excited - my mum and dad. Dad just constantly asks me question about why I want to move, and how much things will cost, and why move when I can commute, and if I have to live close to Uni, or if I could live a little distance away. I can't decide whether he is doing it to make sure I like my decision, or whether he is secretly telling me, with all the hounding questions, that he doesn't think it is a good idea. And mum just keeps changing her mind. Sunday she thought moving was the best idea. By Monday she wasn't as enthusiastic. Then Tuesday she thought it was a great idea. But today she doesn't seem to care. It is confusing me! I hadn't wanted to move to begin with - I am a chicken who doesn't even like driving an automatic car or taking the train on her own, let alone move to Melbourne on my own. Then when I heard what she thought I got excited, and really eager to get things happening. Now she has pulled back and I'm not sure if moving is the right thing to do. I think it would be awesome to live close to school, and it would be an adventure that I have been working myself up to the past few days, but now I don't know... I'm worried that I won't like it, but these concerns only seemed to be a problem when the people I wanted to support me sort of stopped. I suppose mum is having to come to terms with her 'first born' moving away - to the big city! But she just seems to be all over the place, and it isn't helping. This is a big step, or at least in my mind it is. And so many of my friends think it is great. And so do I, I'm just getting worried now because of my mum and dad. Is that irrational in some way? Not being able to stick to what you want because your parents are with you 100% all the time. Is is really childish? I can't decide.

And then this afternoon and went through all the certificates I got today (because today was Awards Day at my school and I got the top study scores in my school for two of my subjects, and a special citizenship award) and putting them in my big orange folder that holds all my high school stuff and realised that was really over. I would only put one more thing in that folder - my VCE Certificate. And it is complete, in some way. From the first certificates I got in year 7, to my graduating certificate and VCE Certificate. All of it will be there - the past six year of my life will be summarised, I suppose, in one orange folder. All of the experiences and the learning curve that is high school will be contained in it. It feels strange to think about it. High school was such a huge thing. I loved it. It was much more exciting and freeing than primary school, but now it is over. It was safe. I knew what was going on day to day. I knew who was around if I needed them. I had friends, both peers and teachers. The principal was great, my teachers were great, I had fun. And now it is over. Finished. Completed. Done. It feels strange. So many people cry at the end, but I can't. I'm not actually, or specifically, sad that it is over because by the end I was ready for something new, but I will still miss it. And new things always get my a little bit freaked out - particularly new things like this. I remember starting high school and crying each night for the first week simply because I was overwhelmed with things - I didn't not like it, the difference between primary and high school just threw me, put me 'off balance' I suppose. And maybe that is what my mum is worried about when I go to Uni. If I move away at the very beginning maybe she thinks I won't cope. Or maybe she thinks that a bad and worry-some start will change what I think about the rest of the year. But she moved away when she went to Uni. I don't quite get it...

But one gorgeous and happy and fun thing happened today! I got a gorgeous Christmas present from Megs. She gave everyone Mr Men or Little Miss books by Roger Hargreaves, and she got mine absolutely spot on! She gave my Mr Happy. It describes Mr Happy as "fat and round, and happy!" Fits me!! And the story is about Mr Happy who finds a door, and when he goes through the door (and "round and round and down and down and round and down and down and around" the stairs) he finds Mr Miserable (which is me sometimes). So Mr Happy takes Mr Miserable to Happyland, where Mr Happy lives, of course, and makes him happy! The last page of the story is gorgeous:

And that is really the end of the story except to say that if you ever feel as miserable as Mr Miserable used to you know exactly what to do, don't you?

Just turn your mouth up at the corners.

Go on!

Because that is how Mr Miserable becomes happy - by slowly turning the corners of his mouth up more and more before he smiles. "And then he chuckled, which turned into a giggle, which became a laugh. A big booming hearty huge giant large enormous laugh." And that is perfect for me! So often I feel miserable, like now, and reading that book makes me chuckle!! Wonderful!!!