christmas and dreams...

Yes, I am really moving! Mum is calling the accommodation place today (supposedly) and booking a place for me. I will be living across the road from Melb Uni and up the street from RMIT - sounds pretty damn good to me! I am getting a fridge, and my computer will be coming with me. I have even promised Sarah my room (because it is bigger than hers and it will have my double bed left in it). I will have to take down all my pictures on my walls and empty all my cupboards... Take the books from my bookshelf and the photos from walls... I have to pack my clothes, and take my doona. I have to move myself! It is an odd thought really. I will be leaving my home. Yes, I will be leaving home. My room will no longer be my room. I won't have my mum around - or my sister. And I seriously have way too much stuff to fit in the place I am moving to. It is a 10sqm room. My room at home is a fair bit bigger... It is almost exhilirating think that I will be gone from this room - it won't be mine any longer... I have been in this room for five years, and it has been nearly the same furniture arrangement for about two or three years. Actually, it is funny because I tend to move the first year of things. I moved into this house the first year of high school, and I will move into my own little room the first year of uni. Hmmm...

So as well as worrying (or being excited...) about Christmas and presents and such, I get to start sorting through my life before I move out! Out of home! And all but two Christmas presents have been bought, and all the the ones I do have are wrapped, so there isn't that much to worry about. So, soon enough, I will have to change my address I suppose, sort out an internet and phone connection in my room, organise plates and cutlery, buy my own laundry detergent-stuff and get my bum out of Geelong... Here I go!!

moving...

I was so excited about moving. But no one else seems to be anymore (except my sister, who wants my room). Actually, to be honest, most people are excited, just not the people I need to be excited - my mum and dad. Dad just constantly asks me question about why I want to move, and how much things will cost, and why move when I can commute, and if I have to live close to Uni, or if I could live a little distance away. I can't decide whether he is doing it to make sure I like my decision, or whether he is secretly telling me, with all the hounding questions, that he doesn't think it is a good idea. And mum just keeps changing her mind. Sunday she thought moving was the best idea. By Monday she wasn't as enthusiastic. Then Tuesday she thought it was a great idea. But today she doesn't seem to care. It is confusing me! I hadn't wanted to move to begin with - I am a chicken who doesn't even like driving an automatic car or taking the train on her own, let alone move to Melbourne on my own. Then when I heard what she thought I got excited, and really eager to get things happening. Now she has pulled back and I'm not sure if moving is the right thing to do. I think it would be awesome to live close to school, and it would be an adventure that I have been working myself up to the past few days, but now I don't know... I'm worried that I won't like it, but these concerns only seemed to be a problem when the people I wanted to support me sort of stopped. I suppose mum is having to come to terms with her 'first born' moving away - to the big city! But she just seems to be all over the place, and it isn't helping. This is a big step, or at least in my mind it is. And so many of my friends think it is great. And so do I, I'm just getting worried now because of my mum and dad. Is that irrational in some way? Not being able to stick to what you want because your parents are with you 100% all the time. Is is really childish? I can't decide.

And then this afternoon and went through all the certificates I got today (because today was Awards Day at my school and I got the top study scores in my school for two of my subjects, and a special citizenship award) and putting them in my big orange folder that holds all my high school stuff and realised that was really over. I would only put one more thing in that folder - my VCE Certificate. And it is complete, in some way. From the first certificates I got in year 7, to my graduating certificate and VCE Certificate. All of it will be there - the past six year of my life will be summarised, I suppose, in one orange folder. All of the experiences and the learning curve that is high school will be contained in it. It feels strange to think about it. High school was such a huge thing. I loved it. It was much more exciting and freeing than primary school, but now it is over. It was safe. I knew what was going on day to day. I knew who was around if I needed them. I had friends, both peers and teachers. The principal was great, my teachers were great, I had fun. And now it is over. Finished. Completed. Done. It feels strange. So many people cry at the end, but I can't. I'm not actually, or specifically, sad that it is over because by the end I was ready for something new, but I will still miss it. And new things always get my a little bit freaked out - particularly new things like this. I remember starting high school and crying each night for the first week simply because I was overwhelmed with things - I didn't not like it, the difference between primary and high school just threw me, put me 'off balance' I suppose. And maybe that is what my mum is worried about when I go to Uni. If I move away at the very beginning maybe she thinks I won't cope. Or maybe she thinks that a bad and worry-some start will change what I think about the rest of the year. But she moved away when she went to Uni. I don't quite get it...

But one gorgeous and happy and fun thing happened today! I got a gorgeous Christmas present from Megs. She gave everyone Mr Men or Little Miss books by Roger Hargreaves, and she got mine absolutely spot on! She gave my Mr Happy. It describes Mr Happy as "fat and round, and happy!" Fits me!! And the story is about Mr Happy who finds a door, and when he goes through the door (and "round and round and down and down and round and down and down and around" the stairs) he finds Mr Miserable (which is me sometimes). So Mr Happy takes Mr Miserable to Happyland, where Mr Happy lives, of course, and makes him happy! The last page of the story is gorgeous:

And that is really the end of the story except to say that if you ever feel as miserable as Mr Miserable used to you know exactly what to do, don't you?

Just turn your mouth up at the corners.

Go on!

Because that is how Mr Miserable becomes happy - by slowly turning the corners of his mouth up more and more before he smiles. "And then he chuckled, which turned into a giggle, which became a laugh. A big booming hearty huge giant large enormous laugh." And that is perfect for me! So often I feel miserable, like now, and reading that book makes me chuckle!! Wonderful!!!

results and property hunting...

Today VCE results came out. I am still shocked at how well I went. I got an ENTER of 93.1 (out of a (im)possible 100). My study scores were really cool too. They are each out of 50. I got 35 for International Studies, 42 for IPM and English, and 46 for Media. And I got a 31 for Maths, and 33 for Philosophy and a 38 for Psychology last year. It is all finally sinking in - my final results for high school are in - it is completely over. And on top of that, I am getting an offer for my dream course at RMIT and we have started talking about me moving out - to Melbourne where I can be closer to Uni. There has been talk of many options, from buying an apartment, to renting an apartment of getting a room in student accommodation. I'm not sure if I want to live on my own, so I'm thinking maybe the student accommodation or a two bedroom apartment with a friend would be nice... but we will just have to wait and see. I can remember the start of this year I didn't even want to move out of home after one year at Uni, now I am getting really excited about moving out at the start. I just hope everything goes well...

very exciting...

I am so very excited right not for two reasons!!

1. The guy where I am getting my camera repaired called me today to say the camera was ready to be picked up!!

2. I got a letter in the mail today from RMIT University. It is a Type A letter which means they will give me an offer for the course if I have achieved all the academic requirements and have them listed as my number one preference of courses!!! I am going to Uni to study exactly what I want!! I am so excited!! I don't get an official offer until VTAC sends them out early next year, I think.. But I am so excited anyway!! I will be a Scientific Photography student!! Yay!! Yay!!

Yay!!

busy bee...

I have been a busy, busy bee over the last little while - nearly a week since I last blogged!!

Ok, so a rundown of my life for that past (nearly) week:

Friday morning I went to work with mum and cut boards for my folio, and stuck my photos onto the board - and thus finished my photography folio. I am absolutely proud of it, even if other people aren't (more on that in a bit).

Friday night I was meant to work, but it has been so quiet lately that my shift was cancelled. So, instead I went to the Queenscliff Music Festival! It was rainy wnd windy (with an awesome thunder storm) but it was fairly fun. I had got media accreditation as a photographer (which basically means I get in for free) so I raced to James' and borrowed his digital camera (because mine is still in NSW). John took me the forty minutes to Queenscliff with him, because he was recording people for his radio program. I saw Sarah Blasko and Ash Grunwald, as well as some other less notable performances. However, I had started to get sick on Thrusday, so running around in the wet wasn't the best thing for me, and I left feeling like crap - blocked nose, sore throat, headache, you know... I'm glad I went but I felt pretty crappy the next day.

Saturday I did work, but was sent home early because it was so quiet. When I got home I went straight to bed because I felt dreaful, then my mum called up my (other) work and told my boss (who is actually my aunty, so it wasn't that bad) that I was too sick to work. I stayed in bed from about 2pm till 7-ish pm, when mum brought me home some chips for dinner, then we sat and watched Harry Potter before going to bed drugged with Cold and Flu tablets and lots of Panadol.

Sunday mum and I buzzed around the house getting ready for my interviews for Uni on Monday and my Graduation Monday night. She finished my graduation skirt and fixed the necklace I wore, while I finished off all my interview things.

Monday I was out of bed at 6am... Horrible... Got ready, and mum drove me to Melbourne for one entrance test, one information session and two interviews. The entrance test, for Applied Photography, was ok, some of the question about science I thought were silly, but there you go.. The information session, for Scientific Photography, just hit home how much I really wanted to do the course - it is awesome! Then we had lunch, before I went to the Applied Photography interview. I didn't like that interview, the interviewers acted as if they were superior, which just didn't seem fair to me... The Scientific Photography interview was heaps better!! The interviewers (four guys, three American, one Aussie) were really nice. They are science/tech nerds who were debating Mac over PC before me interview (I could hear them through the wall - not that I was intentionally eves-dropping). They seemed really genuine. They chatted between themselves as if they were friends, as well as chatting to me. They were genuinely impressed with my folio (unlike the guys at Applied Photography, who just flicked through and said nothing), and even said that the quality of my folio (the way it was compiled) was better than the way their students do it - which I was pretty chuffed about. The Science interview really lifted my spirits. They were concerned that I hadn't done VCE science, but it was such a positive experience I wasn't that worried about the negatives. We had to race home from Melbourne, because I had to get ready!!

Monday night I graduated!!! I dressed up in all my finery (a beautiful skirt, which I may even photograph to post, a simple brown top and awesome jewellery) and graduated from high school!! When we get our graduation certificates we get them in folders, and on the back of the folders (for some people) are stickers to denote if you got any extra awards - I had three stickers! I got an Academic Excellence award, for receiving high marks for all of my subjects, a Citizenship Award, for being an exceptional student in the school community and helping out, etc., and another special award which I can't remember (it is a special award, that I receive on Awards Day in front of parents and the rest of the school) - I think it was a Community Award, but I can't remember. We get eat, and chat, and dance! The band were great, we boogied and had heaps of fun!! I was in so many photos, so goodness knows how much it will cost me to get the ones that I want - but they are all memories!! It was such a great night - and I can't believe I am done. I am no longer part of the school. It is highly scary, because I don't know what is going to happen now. Until offers come out, I am completely free, nothing in particular planned for the future. It is incredibly daunting knowing that, but also somehow incredibly exciting! The opportunities that are coming up and that I can participate in are amazing - I just hope it all comes together!! But I think it just might...

That pretty much brings everything up to speed, because yesterday I sat around with my sister and watched videos of Gilmore Girls all day, and now it is today. Tomorrow I am going to see the new Harry Potter with Megs which should be good - it looks somewhat scarier than the other movies, and I am looking forward to it. Then I am working on the weekend (hopefully. If my hours are cut I won't have any money to buy Christmas presents) and getting some things up on eBay to sell. The summer is looking pretty damn good to me!!

a Thursday afternoon rant...

Well, it's not really a rant, but I thought it sounded light a cool title...

I got some news about my digital camera this morning. It is going to cost about half what it was to buy new, so the general consensus is that I will get a new camera - the new model. This is exciting, but I am pissed off with myself for causing this to happen. All I did was drop the damn thing - that's it. I suppose digital things are much more sensitive to the odd bump because of all the bits inside them.

Oh, did I comment about the fact that my film camera was playing up? Nope, I don't think I did. Well, it was playing up. The prints were having to be pulled out of completely useless negatives, so John and I went on a mission to figure out what the problem was. Turns out, it was overexposing the film by two stops. Not a good thing really. Now all my prints are turning out perfectly. And, the good thing about my completely-manual camera is that I can trick it! To make the "remembering to expose two stops less than what it wants" thing easier, I can just set my ISO reading two steps higher than the film I am using - perfect! And it works! I have been getting some pretty good black and white prints too, which is exciting. I have chosen about six for my folio. There will be six black and whites, six colour digitals, and one colour film (I think). The colour film probably isn't the best choice, so I might have to rethink that, and replace it with either another digital or another b&w - I'm not sure. It was so hard picking thirteen prints from about 30+. I spent about an hour slowly deciding that the prints I have excluded weren't required because they were a poorer quality duplicate-theme of something I already had, or they weren't as interesting as some of the other prints. I am sure when mum has a look at my choices tonight she will want to make some changes - so I have to make sure I am in a compromising mood. In fact, I really have to be careful because I keep getting grumpy at her - she is just so blunt. One minute we are looking at some of my pictures, then she comments (for example, and she did actually say this) that "this is a waste of space" and I feel crushed, then I get grumpy with her. Then I make a rude comment, making her pissed off, then we have problems. I did that last night, I made a really rude comment, but it is all good now - I apologised!

Yes, so I think I am a little bit stressed at the moment. I mean, I don't do that much each day, but it is because I can't. I don't have a car so I can't go out and take photos, but now I don't want anymore to choose from. Then I start fretting about Christmas because I haven't really done any Christmas shopping and it is only a month away. Then I worry about money, which leads me to worry about when I have to work and what I have to get done before work. Then, because I am working eight hours on Saturday, I start worrying that I might not be completely prepared for my entrance test, interview and information session that I have on Monday, or for my Validictory that I have on Monday night. Then I start feeling bad because I can't go anywhere and I spend my days doing not much, which gets me right back to the start... Argh...

Oh, and just before I sign off for another post, I have created a second blog for myself. It is located here and is called not so rejected. It is where all the photographs that I like, but aren't good enough for me to showcase on my website, reside. I started it today so there is only one image (which has appeared on this blog, but oh well) - but there are sure to be more! Enjoy.

the verdict...

So if yoy read this, you will know that I have been hoping to get into a photography course for University. I got some news about that yesterday (which I commented briefly on in the last post, but I thought I would elaborate). Two of the four courses were sending out details of interviews for the successful applicants, and I didn't get one. Well, not one this round, but I don't think I will get a chance for second round anyway. Now my complete focus is going to be Scientific Photography, and maybe the TAFE course. But the TAFE course was like an absolute back-up, so I think I will just hope that I get into Scientific Photography, or else I will (hopefully, anyway) go to the Uni nearby and do a plain Bachelor of Arts - maybe even try for an Education course for my second year and become a teacher. Lots of people I know think I will eventually become a teacher anyway - so why not bite the bullet and do it now. I will, of course, keep taking photos for fun - I was going to anyway. I love doing so...

But I am still very excited about finishing high school - just like I was yesterday. The funny thing is: now I don't have anything to do! I have to house to myself tonight, and there is absolutely nothing on TV, so I was thinking about what I could fill up my time with, and I couldn't think of anything! Well, I was contemplating tidying up my bookshelves, or going through my wardrobe (again), or doing a ruthless cleanout of all my years work and just my cupboard in general. Hmmm... it is incredibly strange not having anything to do! I have been giving lots of hours to work, though. But thinking about that, I will still have heaps of spare time! How strange! I think I will start selling stuff on eBay or something - have to fill up the time somehow... Suggestions, anyone?

Oh, and in response to that exciting comment from Megs - no news on my camera, it is still in NSW getting a quote about itself. Hopefully it will be ok. Thankful James has decided he will let me use his (new) camera for the music festival that is coming up at the end of November - all very exciting. Actually, I am incredibly jealous of James, he got the new version of my (injured) camera - and it has better megapixels than mine!! Hmmm... I think I shall enjoy borrowing it!

Oh, and I found out I am going to Port Fairy Folk Festival next year - highly exciting!! It is it's '30th Festival' and they have heaps of international and national/local performers coming which I am looking forward to. But I have to wait until Labour Day weekend next year (March) before I get to boogie on down at PFFF... Exciting!!

i'm done...

Yes - I have finished VCE, year 12, high school, and my first 13 years of schooling. And I am unbelievably excited!!!! It is taking a whole lot of composure to right this without multiple exclamation marks - so here are just a few: !!!!!!

I had my last exam today - International Studies. I am actually really pleased with it all. I got to do a little bitching about the Australian/US alliance and what it is doing to the country. The question was something like: "Do the costs of the Australian alliance with the US outweigh the benefits?" Or something like that. Is was pretty cool!

But on the down side, today I found out that I'm not getting an interview for two of the photography courses I applied for. I am a bit sad about it, but I had decided that one of the other courses is the one I would prefer to be doing - so fingers crossed.

That is pretty much all the stuff I have to write about at the moment. Oh, I might put a few more exclamation marks: !!!!!! There, now I'm good!

it is tuesday...

And I am about to do my second exam for this end of high school exam period - finally! I haven't had an exam since the 28th of October (the English exam) and I am going slowly insane being on my own all day. However, this past weekend did give me some fun and laughs! And some (pretend) tears.

On Saturday morning I took my camera to the camera shop. I was told it would take eight weeks to repair, and that was after the quote comes back. The camera has to go to the Fuji factory in New South Wales for repairs - and I miss it already! However, John has reminded me that now I can focus more attention on film photography (which I am not very good at, more info on that comment later). And Sar got her Christmas present early and I have control over it until mine is fixed - oh, it's a camera, the present, by the way. It is a little Digital Pentax with 6mp and three times optical zoom. And it even lets you change the shutter and aperture as you want - which isn't a bad deal for $300. But it isn't my baby - my little Fuji...

Then later on Saturday I had a photographic session with Jess and Josh. They wanted some portraits together and I wanted some practice to it really worked out quite well. I used three films and took the photos down at Buckley's Falls. Now, the thing about me not being very good with film cameras happened during this shoot. My film camera is completely manual, no shutter priority, no aperture, no automatic reading of the ISO needed for the film - and this is where I stuffed up. I shot all three films on an ISO of 125, even though two of the films were meant to be shot on an ISO rating of 400. So, basically, I completely overexposed two roles of film. On the two can (hopefully) be saved during processing, but the other film is basically a colour film that shoots black and white, so it is ruined. Hopefully I find some good stuff to use for my folio in the two pure B&W, otherwise I'm stuffed. I have to have my folio together by the 21st of November - not long now.

Then another good thing happened, Saturday night I went out for the first time! Jess L and I went to see Bomba play at the Nash. We were asked for ID at all, which was kind of a shame because we were actually legal and wanted to show it off - but oh well. I bought my first alcoholic drink, and danced until 1am at a pub for the first time. Bomba were absolutely awesome!!! Really!!

Then Sunday I had to work, which wasn't too bad. It is money! And I have another four shift already lined up. I was working at Baskin Robbins which was good cause I got free ice-cream! And the next four shifts will earn me a lovely sum of money!! I definitely need it for uni! And then today I was given my first shift for the Christmas/holiday/Summer season at Griffiths for December - more money! If this continues, and I don't spend any money over summer, I might actually save a fair bit - 'twood be nice!

Now I have to go study - my second/third-last exam is happening in one hour - just enough time to polish up on the five things I don't yet have sorted in my head...

broken...

My...camera is...........BROKEN!!

Yes, sad, sad news. My gorgeous black Fuji S5000 is broken... And I know exactly how it happened. At Muck Up Day I dropped it - my hands were full and it wasn't around me neck so I suppose it was inevitable, but I am still very sad. Very, very sad! I tried to use it the other night and it kept freezing up on me. Then it wouldn't turn off... So dreadful!

That is all I have to say except: I hate studying on my own!! I keep getting fidgety... No good.

afterwards...

The English exam is done. Over. Completed. Now on to the other three, but study can wait til Monday - it's the weekend! I am so unbelievably glad its the weekend. I had plans for this evening but they have been transfered and downsized to tomorrow (due to exam stress - evil, evil, evil). So tomorrow is a girls night - dinner and, well, then back to each persons own home to sleep I suppose. I really should get out more - I have been 18 for 11 days and haven't done any of the eighteen year old things - none of them! Well, I suppose in a round about way you could count final exams as one, because most (only most) people do them when they are 18. I have got (kinda) drunk though - that I hadn't done before my 18th... But there is the rest of my life to do these types of things! So I suppose I shouldn't worry too much about it all...

Actually, to be honest that is all I have been thinking about - being 18 and finishing school. And I have pretty much written about that for the past few entry's so I don't think there is much point writing about it now... I will have to wait until exams are over and my mind actually moves on - then I will have something to write about.

Well, til then...

post number 70...

It's my last day of year 12 - well, classes at least. I have Media and English, then the last formal assembly. It's all coming to an end, all finishing, all being completed. But Megan sent me an email last night with a lovely little quote that I plan on remembering for the day:

Don't cry because it is ending, smile because it happened.

Yes, I must remember that as Ms Fraser, principal, goes through the history of this year level. I must remember that when many other girls are crying (from joy or sadness, who knows?!) and I must remember that when I run down the hall with my fellow year twelves as we leave the hall as an official group for the last time. Gosh, I am getting emotional just thinking about it. Today will be for emotion, taking photos and getting people to sign my 'book', and tomorrow will be for fun - Celebration (previously Muck Up) Day. Costumes are complete, and are ready to be shown off to the world. I have several photos that I want taken of the group of us in our finery, so hopefully that will happen. As we are characters from the Wizard of Oz I was thinking about a photo of us linking arms and skipping up the driveway, or just posing as out characters. I'm the witch, so I get to be evil for the day.

(At this point I would like to note that I realise I have talked about this event in all my posts for the last little while, but it is a milestone in my life that everything is focused on currently. Soon it will be over and I will blog about all sorts of other teenage trivia, but 'til then - suffer!!)

Tonight my fellow Oz-zies are coming to my house for a 'sleepover'. We are getting ready together in the morning, so we thought we would make a night of it. We are going to watch Wizard of Oz on DVD, and drink Midori - sounds like a plan! Ah - we are going to be so excited!!!

Yippee!!!

nearly the end...

It is nearly here - the end of high school. I have always, I mean always, been scared of finishing high school - that is, until it actually happens. I am now really excited. Sad, but excited! Last year when lots of my friends were graduating a felt so scared that in only a year it would all be happening to me, but now that it is here it doesn't seem so scary. Yeah, I lose the everyday-ness of high school. You know what is going to happen, when it is going to happen. You are a kid who has their parents or their teachers constantly watching out for you. But next year I will hopefully be going to uni in Melbourne, and have to commute everyday to class. I will have to worry about driving, and maybe even moving out of home (at some point at least). Scary - but exhilirating. I know so many people who love being out of high school, and I am pretty sure I will too. School is slowly becoming too confining, too rigid and uninspirational. Teachers are always there telling you exactly what to do, and what not to do. I was talking to Megs the other day about things coming to an end and I noticed that when they come around they actually seem to be right. School is ending just as I am starting to get pissed off with it. I feel ready to move on. Ready to take on the rest of everything. I think I am probably being a bit of a drama queen about this finishing high school thing, but as an 18 year old who has lived a pretty safe life this does seem to be a huge thing. My life has been (in retrospect of the last eighteen years, not very long I know) pretty nice, pretty easy and incredibly generous. Basically the only bad things I have had to deal with myself have been my Grandma dying and my parents getting a divorce - that's it. So the idea of leaving high school is a pretty big deal - even if that is just my take on it...

In Muck Up/Celebration Day news: mum just finished the first costume - Dorothy. It is awesome!! And so cute. Mum keeps getting pissed off because I keep commenting on how good everything is and how good it is all going to look. But I am in awe! She made the whole Dorothy costume without a pattern - only the picture in her head! See, awesome! I was, however, allowed to give her praise once the costume was complete. Just four more to go, and she hopes to get them done by tomorrow evening. Today's took about 2.5 hours, so she might just achieve it! And I got my witch wig the other day. Only $7 - nice and tacky!! Can't wait for Thursday!

the day after

The morning after the party is meant to be all groggy - but it's not. I feel fine. Tired, but fine!

I had such an awesome party last night - did my first Vodka shot, got the most drunk I have ever been (but it obviously wasn't very drunk in the scheme of things because I can remember everything (including who gave me which present!) and don't feel that bad this morning). And I have some funny photos! I got some excellent pressies, too! My fav's (or most interesting/exciting) were:

• Necklace, bracelet, and bag from Malaysia, from James
• Two bottle of Vodka and a bottle of Midori, each from a different person (Hannah, Jasmine, Meaghan and Megan)
• An amazing abstract painting and a beautiful plate from Abby and Kate
• The sweetest smelling soaps from Jo, and
• earrings that I really wanted from Jess

All in all it was an awesome evening!! Good music, good friends and lots of laughs!

But now I have homework to do - argh... I really just want to revel in my lovely party memories but I have an essay to do for tomorrow and one for Wednesday.. Yuk!

birthday wishes for myself

Today I am eighteen - yes, 18!! I am so incredibly excited - I love birthdays! I have gots heaps of presents so far from my family, including a DVD burner, subscriptions to my favourite magazines, some lenses for my cameras, clothes, a new alarm clock with CD player, wool, a badge that says "Iraq is Arabic for Vietnam", some chocolate, three pairs of earrings, Outfoxed on DVD, a book called Jennifer Government, a belt, and a 2006 diary (which is a really pretty green!). I told you I got heaps of stuff!

This morning when Sar and I were in the car on the way to school I told her I can now buy her alcohol and she responded with: "Well, lets go to the bottle shop on the way to school!" I was highly amused and told her so, to which she said: "Just because you go to the bottle shop doesn't mean you are going to drink alcohol" - She is a funny one!

(I have just noticed that I am using exclamation marks a lot more often than I normally do - does this demonstrate my enthusiasm about birthdays?)

Hmmm, 18... I can pretty much do everything now - legally drink, legally buy alcohol, legally gamble, legally buy cigarettes.. But 18 also signals the end of high school - in eight days.. just 8... That freaks me out just a little, or maybe a lot. University next year - into the real world. How very scary. The one thing I keep reminding myself, which may seem completely stupid and obvious to everyone else but it helps to remind myself, is that there are lots and lots and lots and lots of people who have grown old and are loving it - yes, I told you it was stupid. I just tell myself that if they can do, I can! And it seems to work. Now that I write it is seems really stupid, but it's the truth - it really does help!

Tonight I don't think I will do anything much, maybe just go home and think about the fact that I could be at the pub being an "adult". But tomorrow night is my party. Just friends and family coming over to my place to have a drink and listen to music and generally have fun! Lots of celebrating shall be enjoyed that night! I think about 28 people are coming, approximately. Should be heaps of fun!

I was just picked on by my old maths teacher for "playing on the computer" - silly man! I'm eighteen, today is for celebrating and NOT doing homework!! Except that I have IPM (and my teacher's birthday is today also) and English - so I think I will actually have to do some homework in those classes, not that I particularly want to..

Ooh, Moondance (the Van Morrison version) just came on my iPod - I love this song! Actually I love this whole CD - the Moondance CD. I had Glad Tidings in my head all Wednesday and Thursday - that is also a great song by Van Morrison! Hmm...

I think I will go off surfing the web - just generally doing not much.. Sounds good!

remember me?

It has been forever since I posted - and I have no real excuse for it being so. Sure I've been busy, but I really should have found a few minutes to write an entry.. Well, here is my catch-up entry, and I think it will end up being quite lengthy.

Last time I blogged was about a month ago, so I have been on school holidays, and finished my last high school SAC - ever! The holidays were lovely. The first weekend was my step-dad's 50th birthday and party where we opened a lovely 20 year old bottle of Hermitage Grange - I'm not a wine lover, but this was really tasty!

Monday-Thursday of the first week I went to Apollo Bay for a little holiday with Megs. It was intended to be a 'study holiday', but I think we ended up watching more DVDs than studying! We watched 11 of the thirteen episode of 'Lano and Woodley'. They are hilariously funny!! They are an aussie comedy duo that did stand-up comedy for a while, then made a tv show, and I don't know where they are now.. We also walked on the beach two of the days which was great. It was quite chilly, but it was nice to walk in the cold water and along the sand - very refreshing after studying for the morning.

After I got back on Thursday I started working on my folio which I took to the short course I did at RMIT for the second week of the holidays - Photography Folio Preparation Course. It was excellent! I learnt heaps about the photography industry, my camera and darkroom work. The camera thing I learnt was that my camera is borken. Well, more specifically it is my 50mm lens. The aperture is stuck on f1.8 and will not stop down! It meant that pretty much all my photos are over exposed.. I also got to use the RMIT TAFE darkrooms which are a hell of a lot better than my high school's version! At school we don't use any type of filters in the cameras or on the enlarger - but I learnt about contrast filters at RMIT. And I got to play with some film I hadn't ever used - I used transperency film, an Ilford film that has an ISO of 125, and I got a chromogenic film that is made by Kodak. I haven't used the Kodak film yet, I'm waiting for a good situation where I can create some good black and white photos. That was another I learnt at RMIT - how lacking in black and white experience I really am. I have to get lots more done, and add lots of black and whites to my folio.

The last weekend was spent at Jess's house chatting, shopping and discovering a lovely new way to drink vodka - with orange juice! We were up until about 1 or 2am both Friday night and Saturday chatting and watching DVDs. And I finally saw The Triplets of Belleville which was awesome! I love the song that goes with it! Hannah, Jess and I were completely riveted to the screen while we were watching it - we were competely drawn into the animation and the soundtrack, and the sweet little story! It was awesome!

Then Sunday I went out for lunch with my Dad and my sister because it is Sarah and my birthday's this week. Sar was 16 on Tuesday and I will be 18 tomorrow - I am highly excited!!

That marked the end of the holidays - which I didn't mind because I got an awesome birthday present!! When school went back I had to get used to get up at 6:30am again. It hasn't been too bad though. School is still the same (but will only be so for another two weeks). I had a SAC on Wednesday, but other than that school has just been revision.

On Tuesday night, however, we celebrated Sar's birthday in style! A group of eight of us (mum, John, Sar, me, and four friends of John's) went to a taping of the SBS television show RockWiz. It was really cool. I got to watch a television show being taped, and edited right there and then! I was excited. And Sar was excited because as a birthday treat, the guys at RockWiz allowed Sar to rock up early and hang out with the sound technician (which is her chosen career path) and see what he sets up and does for the show. I think he only controlled the front of house stuff, for the audience, but Sarah still enjoyed it!

And that was the last few weeks, in a nutshell! As well as all that fun stuff I have been sorting out all my uni applications and choosing photos for my folio which has been fairly exciting, not to mention nerve-racking! I have only had to send in two of the three applications so far, but I sent both in just in time to make it - I really am pushing it.. I should be more organised, but oh well - they are in! Hopefully I get interviews for them all - fingers crossed...

we're off to see the wizard...

"The wonderful Wizard of Oz". It has been in my head since my friends and I decided we were dressing up as characters from the movie for "Muck Up Day". "Muck Up Day", or as the principal wants as to call it: "Celebration Day", is the final school day for year 12s. We dress up, watch a slideshow of lots of photos, do a concert for the rest of the school and go home early; it is our celebration together for finishing high school. Megan and Meaghan came up with the idea while looking in a costume shop. I am the Wicked Witch, Megan is Scarecrow, Meaghan is Dorothy, Jess is the Lion, and Hannah is Tinman. My mum is making all our costumes, and we are terribly excited, even though the actual day doesn't happen until the 20th of October. Still, it is our final day of high school and the high school/primary school process which has lasted for 13 years. That bit of our life will basically be over as of 20 October 2005. Granted, we have exams after that, but no more high school classes - ever. It is terribly scary!! Each time I calculate how many days of school are left (yes, I know I have written something along these lines in a previous blog), which currently stands at 12 days, I get completely petrified. COmpletely! After this is finished I have to be an adult. I will be 18 and have to face the real world, not the fun little world of high school, where every day is pretty much the same, and pretty much full from 9am to 3:15pm. My last exam is on the 16th of November, and I graduate on the 28th (I think) of November. Then it will be done. Then it will be over. Yes, I am a drama queen when it comes to this, but after 13 years, I have become slightly attached to schooling the way I know it. I have only ever attended two schools: my primary school and my secondary school. From prep to six at primary school, and seven to 12 at high school. That is all.. I should probably come to terms with it - hundreds, thousands, hundreds of thousand, millions of people have finished high school and gone onto other things - uni, work, etc... I want to go to uni. I really really want to get into one of the photography courses I have applied for. I doubt I will get into the Fine Art course, but the other three I might have a chance in. And if they fail, I think I am happy staying at home and going to the Uni which is 20mins by bus from my house - that is the Uni that I know, I have been there a number of times with school and my step-dad. I know that Uni, but I don't know the Uni in Melbourne, another reason I am freking out... But, I think I will be alright. In fact, I am determined to be alright, even successful, at Uni - whichever one I go to!

Ooh, my Media teacher today asked me, and two other students in my class, if we would like to be nominated, and enter, Top Arts, which is for the best students in Arts subjects from Victoria. I am excited about that. It pretty much means that we got an A or an A+ for our Media assignment - that was my magazine. I was proud of it, and now I am even more proud of it - that is, if it got me an A!! Very cool.

I should really get to doing some homework. I have my last English SAC on Friday, so I should study...

chocolate and pre-selection kits...

I went to see the new Willy Wonka movie, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, last night. I really enjoyed it. However, through the whole movie I was expecting the characters to do things that were in the 1971 Gene Wilder version - but they didn't do them. Having the old movie in my head kinda spoiled last night because I was constantly waiting for things that weren't going to happen. But I did really enjoy it. It was a fundraiser for my year's (year 12) graduation at the end of the year. We got $3 per ticket, and I reckon we had about 200 people there - so I don't think it was a bad effort. Johnny Depp is great as Willy Wonka - he is sufficiently strange. And they added this great 'message' about how family is really important. Though I'm not sure I liked that bit - a bit to messy for this chcolate genius to be completely out of whack because his dentist father wouldn't allow him to eat chocolate when he was a boy. Oh well, I still enjoyed it!

I have been doing all these (four) pre-selection kits for the courses I applied for, for next year. Uni is seeming to be closer and closer, and the fact that I turn 18 in 31 days has just made the idea that I am growing up and moving on all the more prevalent. It is kind of scary, and has almost thrown me, that I will be 18 very shortly, and then I will leave high school (where I have been for the past six years), and I will move into the big wide world, and become independant. While I wouldn't start Uni until February of next year, just the graduating from high school is pushing me in the direction of 'adult-ness'. It's bloody scary! Then in a year and 31 days I will be 19 - and that sounds so different to 18, even though it is only a year difference. Don't you think 19 sounds really different to 18? I suppose everyone waits for 18, so school is often full of 18, or nearly 18, year olds. But after high school, you turn 19, then 20, and on and on and on... It just keeps going - right into the future. Ok, so now I sound insane, that I haven't really come to terms with the fact the I will get older and live my life, but until this year I hadn't really thought about it. I had always just seen finishing high school as a big milestone, and then Uni as something that is really far off - but now it is next year... Yes, I am freaking out... I think I need to go and ponder this idea of life, and develop some photos - which is what I am off to do now - yay!

Also, just a little add on, I wish Megan lots of fun teeth stuff - she is getting her brases off this morning!

interesting things...

I wish I had interesting things to write about, or an interesting way to right about things. So many blogs I read are written with such style - interesting language, thought-provoking comments, inspirational meanderings. My blog is just a jumble of a 17 year olds life.. oh so uninteresting..

I am slightly down today - is it obvious? And if I don't stop blogging now, I feel I will get even more down - toodles...

as promised...

Here are two examples of the pictures I took on Saturday night at Sweethearts Party '05:

Jessie singing

The bass player for Li'l Fi

I like them...

busy busy bee...

I have been very busy of late, and have had nothing really to write. But this morning I feel I should blog about something.

Some count downs:

• 86 days until my last exam
• 46 days until I turn 18
• 29 school days left

I am kinda freaked out by that last one - less than a month of school days until high school is finished...

I had a good weekend - indeed, a very good weekend! It was a friends 18th on Friday night - where, though parents were serving the alcohol, a fair bit was consumed (my new favourite - Midori and Lemonade!). The funniest bit though - when Jess opened a present and jumped back in, maybe, horror. The present: a garter belt! So very humorous!! Then, after presents, Hannah decided to decorate me as a present. I had wrapping paper and bows stuck on my head and clothes. We decorated Hannah as well, then went out to meet a friends dad in our finery - he was pleasantly amused! I think we got to bed at something like 2am, after, of course, the fortune telling with a deck of cards!

On Sunday night, the Sweethearts had their annual 'Party '05'. More drinks, some dancing and lots of photograph taking by me! I borrowed my aunties very cool camera (Canon 300D Digital SLR) and took 123 photos. Another late night. I took some cool pics, so I will put one or two up to show everyone.

In uni news - I have my pre-selection kit for BA Photography, but I still have to sort out the pre-selection kits for the other courses. I am so excited about it all. I have to get 15 5"x7" photos for the pre-selection kit, and write a bit about myself - should be interesting! I have to decide on the shots. I plan to include some flowers, some architecture, some live gig shots and some posed shots. Now to choose just 15! The BA kit has to be in by the 21st of October, and I'm not sure about the other kits - I should get to work..

I have finally sorted out my 8 preferences for VTAC Applications:

1. BA Photography
2. Scientific and Industrial Photography
3. Fine Arts Photography
4. Applied Photography
5. Bachelor of Arts
6. Bachelor of Arts (Media and Communications)
7. Bachelor of Psychology (strange choice, I know)
8. Bachelor of Arts (International Studies)

Should be interesting, and I have a preference session today so I will learn all about it.

Right now I think I better be off. I have a Media SAC this afternoon that I should really have thought about more thoroughly (it is about social values and Leave it to Beaver), and I have International Studies now. Joy...

RMIT yesterday...

I went to RMIT Open Day yesterday. I was really excited on my way there, but I left feeling strange. I have come up with a few reasons:

1. I feel nervous about leaving school
2. I feel inadequate with my own photos for my folio
3. I am over excited about everything - so am going insane..
4. I have too many choices, well two, but you know..
5. I am rethinking Photography as a path because I can't think of reasons why I want to do it except "I like doing it"

Maybe I am just over-thinking it; worried about nothing.. But it did help that I got to chat to James and Abby last night - they cheered me up!

Now I am off to study periods, to not do study... Maybe I will play some games, or ponder some more and add more to this entry.. who knows...

short posts...

I really am sick of short posts, but I can't think of much more to write, and lately I haven't had much time to write at all.

I finished my Media assignment last night - all finished. I just need to print it at school today and then get it printed tomorrow by a professional - well, OfficeWorks to be exact. But I think they can do I better job at the printing than my inkjet at home, or even the laser printer at mum's work that has nearly run out of ink. The magazine is 12 layouts. That is six layouts per issue, with two issues. Each issue has 12 pages, but in my head (and officially) that equates to six layouts. Hopefully that is ok.. I hope...

I am having a very big argument with my computer at the moment. Strange things keep happening with my iTunes and Adobe Photoshop programs. Well, maybe the iTunes issue is more an issue with my iPod. Files on my iPod keep 'corrupting' on me - they just won't work! I loaded stuff the other day, and now they have disappeared. It worked on my computer, but not on my iPod - I have no idea what is going on! And with Photoshop, when I exit the program it says there are problems and it has to quit - but it has already quit. And some files won't save as PDFs - argh!!

That is as long as this post is going to be - I have to go and do some work, and look after Megan. She doesn't seem very with it - so tired!!

media media media...

My magazine is nearly finished. One more article and a spell check/proofread and it's done. I am printing it on the weekend and then I might put some thumbnails of it up here or on my site. Joy!!

And it is RMIT Open Day on Sunday - I am very excited!!

jemmyB: a new look...

A kind of new look for my photography site jemmyB. Some new fonts, change of text, a few new colours. I think it will last for ages 'cause I like it. Though I'm not sure about the font yet.. Have to ponder..

And more pondering is to be done because, again, I have nothing to put here - so off I will go a-ponderin'.

new look...

Thought I would just post a little comment about my new look! I have been working on it for 3 and a half hours, instead of doing homework. I think it looks pretty good. A bit more me - an a bit more like my site. Groovy!!

nothing to say...

I really don't have anything to say. I don't even know why I am posting if I have nothing to say. I could tell you that I have just updated jemmyB with three new images. One of my sister, one of four coloured glasses, and one taken driving in a car with a slow shutter speed. I like the glasses the most - the colour worked really well. Or at least I think so.

Or I could tell you that I am trying to change this page to look "cooler". I have been fiddling with the code and am going to try and design my own colour scheme and images on the weekend. If I can work it out that is. I might be sitting online for a while whilst I try and figure that out..

Or I could even tell you that it is a casual dress day today because it is Jeans for Genes Day. And that I am wearing a scarf that I made from Italian wool and a t-shirt I bought at an op-shop. But that could be almost over-sharing.. Oh well..

winteryness and blogging...

It is the start of August. The beginning of the end of Winter. So many times I have said that I hate summer, but there are some days... You know those warm days that are just cheerful? They make you happy sitting in your summer clothes. Those days are the ones I can't wait for. I hate the days when all you want to do is sit in the freezer, they are horrid. You feel sticky and hot - not nice. Those days are the ones when I wish for winter, when you can snuggle up. I suppose I like all the seasons in their own way. Summer for the happy semi-calm that can come over people; the lazy summer feeling. Autumn for the leaves - crunch crunch! Winter for the lovely snuggly nights, when you can sit in bed or on the couch under a warm blanket and just make yourself like a bug in a rug. Spring for the flowers... and my birthday. They are all good in their own way. All enjoyable for at least part of the three months. And soon we will be in Spring. Only 31 days. Another cycle will have been complete. Another year. The next winter that comes around for me will be when I am at university (hopefully...). After August I will never have a winter as a high school student. I sound so melancholy. But I'm not. I am so excited about it all now. It has taken me a while to get here. I have had to find a focus for next year. When all my friends were leaving at the end of last year I felt slightly lost. I didn't have direction. I knew another year of high school was coming, but then what. I had no clue. I had no ideas. I felt lost so often. Now I have direction. Now I know what I want to do, what I would love to do. And I am excited - finally! I have something I feel passionate about. Finally. October 20th. The last day of year twelve - and finally I am working towards it, not trying to stay away from it.

Another of my friends has joined the blogging world. Megs at who burnt the biscuits? She has posted three times already. Actually, she is such a procrastinator I'm sure she will blog often! Welcome to Megs, from me!!

I think I should change the music I am listening to. It is making me slightly melancholy. Although it really is lovely music. It is New Buffalo. So pretty to listen to. And now it has changed. I am listening to my iPod on shuffle so I am getting all sorts of music - I mean, I do have 2374 tracks on my iPod and their vary from the Spice Girls to Bob Marley, and Ash Grunwald to Basement Jaxx. Now Ruby's Grace is playing, but they have broken up so I don't have a link for them. I love listening to my iPod on shuffle, you get to listen to all those songs you never think to listen to. Songs that you know, and have loved, but aren't always remembered. Or songs that you can bop along to that you forgot you had at all, or didn't think you had. They're the fun ones to here. Often so random. Actually, last time I listened to my iPod on shuffle the order of three songs that I remembered because they were so strange were:

1. Wannabe - Spice Girls
2. Rhapsody in Blue - Larry Adler (written by Gerwhin)
3. Naked and Famous - President of the United States of America

I thought it was fun!

weekends and confessions...

Well, not really confessions, but it sounds impressive..

I went to my dad's this weekend. And I am angry with him. I could handle it when he said he wasn't going to be at my 18th, he hasn't really been at any of my birthday parties since I was six and our family was actually still together. But last night he told me he wouldn't be at my graduation. Sure it doesn't seem like much, but my pissed off-edness has been boiling and this has just pushed me too far. Sure, I might seem like a melodramatic young girl, but it means something to me, so I think I have the right to vent - vent, vent, vent. Grr.. I don't really feel like having another bitch session about my father here, let's just say I am actually angry, rather than pissed off, and leave it at that.

That's all I wanted to write, nothing else to say. I should be doing homework instead of writing, so I should go do homework - hopefully it will get my mind off my anger..

the draft...

This is a bit of my draft for my English SAC - no one steal it!

As she sits she stares. Stares at the world. Stares in wonder. Stares at nothing but life. All around her is life. The buzzing of the bees and the growth of flowers. The sun shining down on the world. Each element works in harmony to create an oasis, a sanctuary. It is peaceful here. All she can hear are the birds in the trees and water in the river. All she can see is nature. There are no visible manmade objects. She is secluded.

As she sits she stares. Stares at the world. Stares in wonder. Stares at nothing but life. All around her is life. The honking of horns and the clatter of trams down the street. The sun shining down on the world. Each element competing for priority and creating chaos. There is no peace here. She can always hear cars or trucks. Occasionally a bird might tweet but manmade objects drown out the bird’s song. She is in the hustle and bustle of a city. She is in a metropolis.

Two experiences. Two locations. The world allows for both to exist, often simultaneously. Contrasts allow for new experiences. Contrasts help us to understand. The beauty of nature and the cement city may seem like two sides of a coin but they both exist in one world. In one life. For one person.

If anyone reading this has an opinion on it please tell me. I really want some feedback!

media on my mind...

This week is magazine week - Monday I worked on my media assignment for 5 hours, yesterday was 4.5 hours, today will be similar, tomorrow I have the whole day at school to do it (it is a pupil free day) and Friday I will have only 1.5 hours. Hopefully this thing gets completed on time...

I have an English Creative SAC next week - and no ideas about what to write. Well, that isn't quite true, just no ideas that I really like or think I could make into good pieces of work. I had an idea of doing a really descriptive piece, then do something about contrasts (between locations or stories), then I thought about putting these together. My latest idea was to write a piece focussing on two people in two different locations noticing what is around them - one in the country being 'free', and one in a traffic jam in the middle of a city feeling very 'un-free'. The two locations would alternate between paragraphs - one paragraph in the country, one in the city, one in the country, and so on and so forth. I'm not sure if I will follow this idea through or not. I kind of like it, but I'm not sure if I can make it descriptive enough, it may just end up being boring and not achieving anything I want it to - grr... I always hate creative pieces because I am not good at them, and I can't decide on one thing and follow it the way I imagined, like I do in report style essays. I did have the start of the piece though:

As she sits, she stares. Stares at the world. Stares in wonder. Stares at nothing but life.

That is all I have and I have to write it next Wednesday or Friday - I should really try harder in English, and leave my magazine alone for a while... School...

fifty and counting...

This is my 50th post! Oh yeah...

Big weekend, now I am tired. I went to two Eighteenths (one of which I got tipsy for the first time at) and had lunch with some friends. I actually managed to catch up with all my good friends in one weekend - I think the last time I achieved that was my birthday when they were all invited. Amanda's (on Friday night) was the party at which I got tipsy for the first time. It was all lovely until about 11:15pm when Ben realised that in 45mins his dad would be their to pick him up - and Ben was drunk!! He had drunk nearly a whole bottle of Vodka and two Red Eyes, so he wasn't quite with it. James (the other least drunk, but more drunk than me) and I looked after him and attempted to get him to calm down. He didn't and he got busted. I was telling people at school today how I had got tipsy for the first time on Friday and they laughed at me because I was treating it like a big achievement - well, it is for little 17 year old me! And my mum was teasing me about it! I kept denying that I was tipsy, because I didn't feel all that different, but she insisted that I was and that I should make sure I take some panadol and drink some water before I went to bed. At least I didn't throw up like some of the other guests...

negative and postive...

I developed my first films today! Actually, it was lots of fun and I am quite proud of myself - I did it on my own (after being run through the procedure). I freaked out a little bit on the second one when I could get the film onto the reel while in the bag-thing, but it sorted itself out! I must say, I think I need a better timing device for next time. I had no idea what the times were, and I was using my watch for a minute timer which wasn't really working. When I print some of the photos I will scan them and put them either here if I'm not 100% fond of them, or on my website if I love them. How exciting!!

the moment...

At the moment I am preparing for a Creative Writing SAC for English. I'm not very confident in my creative writing skills so this has been quite daunting. I think I have come up with an idea for my piece, though I'm not sure how successful I will be at making it what I want it to be. My idea is to write a piece about a woman sitting under a tree in the middle of no where and just noticing what is around her, discussing what is going on in her head and what her mind is pondering. The only problem with this is that I have never been a very descriptive writer, but I suppose that makes it a challenge. I wanted to set it in a beautiful and lush forest somewhere in spring, but I am worried that the setting is too "old", too "already done"... I might just try it anyway.

Today while I was baking biscuits (I got home from school an hour earlier than usual so I figured I would make something for my family) I noticed the tap dripping. The first thing I noticed was the light flare that was created when the drip formed and the sun light from the window hit it. I grabbed my camera and started taking photos. But the light flare just wouldn't be captured - it was elusive! What I did get, though, was the drip:

I thought it was cool..

philosophy and magazines...

I have been watching (and watched, now that it is finished) the mini-series Sophie's World on SBS. And I adore it!! I have had to tape each weeks because I have been out, and then when I watch them I refuse to let anyone interrupt me because I have to read the subtitles. I love getting lost in the sounds of the characters speaking Norwegian. And the very classic (and much repeated by Johanna and I):

Hilde Moller Knag (with a line through the 'o', but I don't know how to do that)

Jo and I were repeating it over and over today, annoying Hannah absolutely and completely in the process!! Sophie's World was very well done. However, I haven't read the book so I don't know if it stays true to the original. But I did love it. I loved the fact that I knew some of the philosophers and what they thought as soon as I heard their name (thanks to studying philosophy at school for two years). About Plato and Socrates, Kierkegard (unknown spelling) and Copernicus. It was a great series!

And my magazine is slowly getting there. Slowly... I have just done another 'photo shoot' for it - the cover of the second issue. Another cover with Sarah featuring. She is a good model, I have no idea what I am doing and she is good about it and seems to have fun. Now I am off to find and source some more images that I will be needing for some of the articles. Let's hope I can find what I have in mind!

school is boring...

Yes, school is boring. But oh well. At least something interesting is happening today. The Minister for Education is coming to school and I am getting out of IPM to take photos of her while she is here. There is some official reason why she is visiting this region, but I don't actually know what it is. All I know is she is coming to play for the Sweethearts and that my photos may eventually end up in the school newsletter and the school annual magazine at the end of the year - I mean, I am the official assistant photographer for the magazine, and lots of my photos have already been layed out ready for printing!!

That was so exciting yesterday seeing my photos layed out for the magazine. The teacher in charge came to show me the pages and to check some of the people who appear in the photos so they can have their name in the magazine! The layout looks really cool. There is a background image and some smaller images sitting on top that are framed like a polaroid - I was excited..

Another exciting thing, for me at least, is I am currently invited to the most party's ever at once. Did that make sense? At the moment I am invited to three party's, never before has this happened. I have been invited to two at once, which was three weeks ago, but never any more. I have my cousin's on Saturday night of this weekend, Amanda's on Friday night of next weekend and Erin's the day after Amanda's (on Saturday). They are all night party's too, which I suppose is what one would expect for a 20th and two 18ths. Now all I have to do is find presents. Three of us are giving Erin one particular present (which I won't write here, not that Erin will read it, but you know), and there was talk about me and another two people joining our funds to get Amanda something cool, but currently we have no real idea what to get. I know what I will get Amanda if I get something smaller, but I have no idea for big presents.. And Georgia (cousin) will get something from the family, so mum has to buy that.

And do you what? The rest of my life is boring school, so because I don't have anything left to say except to waffle on about school, I now plan to scoot - buh-bye!!

ending and beginning...

As the lovely school holidays end, the horrid school term begins. Homework, SACs, teachers.. Oh joy of joys! But I did have a lovely holiday. Friends and sleep overs, and pajamas! Took photos and got my learners - all peaches and cream. I really have nothing to write about here. Nothing interesting goes on. My life is simple and boring. Uninteresting. I do homework, I go to school, I have my dinner made for me and my clothes washed. I don't have to worry about much stuff. Urgh, I'm boring... I will shut up now..

driving and birthdays...

I went for my first semi-proper drive today. I got to reverse around corners, navigate around trees, change from asphalt to gravel roads and use the accelarator! It was so much fun. At the moment I officially love driving, but as yet I haven't had to deal with pedestrians or proper road rules, just controlling the car. I hope I still like driving when it is proper driving!

And birthdays. July marks the third birthday of my website, jemmyB, my cousin turns 20, Amanda turns 18, Hannah's mum has a birthday and my dad has one too. So many things to celebrate! And presents to buy - I wonder what I will get them all? Oh well, here's to you all, and my little website, I hope your birthdays are merry!

personality tests...

Main Type	Overall Self

Take Free Enneagram Personality Test

Enneagram Test Results Type 1 Perfectionism |||||||||||||||| 66% Type 2 Helpfulness |||||||||||||| 58% Type 3 Image Focus |||||||||||||| 54% Type 4 Hypersensitivity |||||||||||| 42% Type 5 Detachment |||||||||||||||| 62% Type 6 Anxiety |||||||||||||||| 70% Type 7 Adventurousness |||||| 22% Type 8 Aggressiveness |||||||||| 38% Type 9 Calmness |||||||||||||| 58% Your main type is 6 Your variant is social

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I agree with the first bit, but the second one says I am a perfectionist. I am for school work, but not really for anything else. But maybe this is the real me, and the one I think I am is just what I want to be, not who I am? Maybe I will never know who I am. Maybe we can only ever think we know ourselves. And others can only know parts of you, never all of you. Or maybe I am completely wrong, because I am only a 17 year old student who doesn't have much life experience... Maybe.

fun of parents...

So I don't edit or censor my life, I should really write about my night at my dad's. Not in too much detail because I have already gone through it all with my mum (it's not that bad, I just don't particularly like talking about it). I was at my dad's last night. Sarah and I had to stay the night, the necessary visit because our parents are divorced. It was only one night, instead of two like it used to be, but that doesn't make it any more enjoyable. We don't have to put up with the step-mother for as long, but we still have to put up with her for a bit. We had takeway, which we never have, and chatted about boring things like school and their work. And the usual topic of money, because I think it is my dad's most favourite topic ever!! He brings it up all the time, all the time! If we have new clothes, he brings it up. If we comment that we would like a car to learn to drive in, he quizzes us for about half an hour on the money aspect. If we vaguely mention a holiday, money is brought up - not what we might do when we go away, but how much things might cost. And if we comment about mum buying something there is the comment about how he pays mum child support so lots of what we have is from him (even though the child support pays for diddley-squat). Money, money, money. It drives me bonkers!

Then there is the necessary "look at me" from the step-mother. No matter what we are talking about, even if we are talking to our dad, she has to have her two cents worth. Even if it doesn't quite make sense, like today. She can't just leave us alone. She doesn't appear to care enough to stay in the conversation the whole time, yet she doesn't not care enough to keep out of it. It is like having a faint image of a different channel on the tv, it is annoying! It is always there, even though it is not quite there. It just gets in the way of what you really want to do. Just get seen, even though we don't really want to see it. You know...

And the lovely thing about today, was that my dad wants me to plan my birthday party (which is in October, three and a bit months away to be exact) now. He has been going on about it for about two months, and until today I hadn't worked out why. They reason he wants to know what is going on is because the step-mothers birthday is the day after mine, so they are meant to go and visit her. Even though I am 18. He probably won't turn up, hasn't turned up to any of my birthday party's since I was six. There is no way I will be planning my birthday this far in advance. I would love him to come, but... I don't know... Maybe I don't want him to come because no one in my family likes him. He is mean, most of the time. Simply mean. Maybe I can just try and get a decent present out of him for my 18th - shallow I know. But that is the only thing I can really get from him, though he doesn't have a good track record where presents are concerned. Every year he has fucked it up. Giving us a combined present of his old (and very outdated, and basically unusable) laptop one year. Getting us to shopping with him to choose what we want, then getting it wrong. Actually, that was a funny birthday present. I asked for silver and amethyst jewellery, perfume or a gift voucher for a book store. Sarah asked for simple gold jewellery and a gift voucher for a CD store. I got a gift voucher for a CD store and something not worth remembering, and Sarah got gold and amethyst earrings, perfume (which was yuk!) and a gift voucher for a book shop. We ended up swapping the gift vouchers, and never using the other things. Gosh there are so many more stories like that... How about the one where a friend of mine's dad (who lives in Texas, USA) has been to four of our netball games, and my dad (who lives one hour away) has been to one. Yep, that is one of the best!

Enough of me bad mouthing my father. Tomorrow I go off to visit my auntie and and uncle and help with their magazine. We are going on a fashion photo shoot, and I am getting a crash course in commercial magazine creation, which should help heaps for my media assignment - lots of fun to look forward to. Off to the bus at 10:55am tomorrow, yay!

a new driver...

I am a new driver! Yes, I passed my Learner's test with 88%. And now I have a little green Learners Permit card sitting in my wallet. Very awesome! It is funny when you get a new card for your wallet, or exciting might be a better word for me at least. It changed what my wallet looked like completely because I moved all my cards around, now I have my permit, then my debit card, then my school id card - green, aqua, white. Instead of white, aqua, white. I used to have my school id, then my debit card, then a special card for a camera printer to get free prints each month. Which, by the way, finished next month. My last month of free photos next week. And I have only just got up the guts to ask if they colour balance the images (which they do) and if they could please not. I will get them back soon for June soon, then we can see if the colours are right! Looking forward to that!

op shopping...

Holidays are going strong - and are heaps of fun! Yesterday I took my sister to see The Sisterhood of the Travelling Pants. It was incredibly sad in some bits. That sooky sad, when good things come out of bad things so you get teary both times and then the tears feel silly because it is a childrens movie - that sort of teary. I wanted to go to it because I read the book when it came out and thought it could be a pretty interesting movie - and my sister wanted to see it. I liked the way each friend was going through their own stuff. One hit home - Carmen. Her mum and dad are divorced and when she goes to stay with her dad for the summer she is suprised to find out that he is engaged to be married to the "perfect" blonde family - blonde mum, daughter and son, perfect house in the suburbs, perfect wedding plans. Basically it is set up as a contrast because Carmen is Puerto Rican. And...voluptuous where the 'new' family are sticks with no bums. The cinema was filled with teenage girls except for about 2 mothers and 3 guys. And nearly everyone walked out with red eyes. Throughout the movie you could here lots of sniffling. There was one girl sitting in front of us who just started crying. A nice sooky film with a happy ending!

Tomorrow is my L's test. I might get my Learner Driver Permit. I haven't finished reading the book yet. And I can't remember half of it yet, but I am working on it. Hopefully all will go well and I will get my L's tomorrow. I don't know anyone who hasn't passed there Learners test on the first try - fingers crossed!

party princess...

Birthday party stories:

Last night was Hannah's 18th birthday party. I would say there were about 30 people there, but at different times in the night. There was the school friends, the choir friends, the High boys, and the family. The youngest was 14 and the oldest was 24-ish (excluding the mum). I think everyone had fun, I know I did. Except for the lovely little falling incident.

Meaghan, Megan and I decided to get some awesome presents for her - 19 in all. And they were all wrapped in tissue paper with lots of glitter and confetti. We even warned Hannah to open the presents outside, which she did - and I think her mum was extra happy that Han took our advice, because there was glitter everywhere. One of the presents we gave her, which was thought was particularly witty, was a gnome. Hannah had said at various times when we asked her what she wanted for her birthday that she wanted a boyfriend, jokingly, but she still said it. So we bought her the gnome. When she opened it, we helped name it. The gnome ended up with the name of the guy she likes. Then when she was on to the last present, the card, she had a nice little pile of glitter in the envelope. I leant over onto two legs of the chair I was sitting on to flick the glitter up and cover her (just as we all had been doing to each other) and I lost my balance. I fell! Smack down onto the cement in her backyard. I didn't think I had hurt anything, even myself (which is not the case today) but that wasn't to be. When I stood up, and after everyone, kindly, and asked if I was ok we look to the ground. And there in many pieces was the gnome. The new 'boyfriend' had been smashed by me... I felt so aweful! She had only owned the poor thing for about 10 minutes, and I crushed him. We all laughed about it hysterically all night, but that didn't change the fact the I had broken the poor little thing. I have decided that I am going to get another gnome for Hannah, and I am going to make it a bit cool. If you have seen Amelie you will notice that I have stolen the idea. I am going to take photos of the new gnome in front of different backdrops and in different locations and send them to Hannah. Then he will come home - aftre visiting a few destinations and being on a little holiday, Hannah's new 'boyfriend' will come home!

During the night two slabs where finished. By 5 people. I'm not very experienced with parties, but that is the most that has been drunk at one that I have been to. Mind you, I am only 17 and haven't been to many parties where the drinkers weren't that parents, and the drink of choice was red wine - one bottle in a whole night. By the end some of them became quite silly, telling jokes that weren't particularly tasteful and giving people (me) hugs that probably weren't all that necessary. The hug was from Hannah's cousin who is my step-brothers mate, and I have known him for about three years. It was really quite interesting. I got a huge hug and a little monologue about how though we had to part, we would be in each others heart's forever. Then he realised that there were still cans of beer to be drunk and disappeared off to the esky.

At one point the party even had a guest with four wheels - a supermarket trolley. When the guys went off to by the slabs they brought back a trolley. Trolley rides started taking place up and down the backyard until being away from the little fire was too cold, then the trolley was just a chair.

The last funny story is evidence of just how small the town I live in is. Hannah invited three boys from her Physics class. One of them couldn't come, I later found out, so they had brought another friend of theirs to make up the three. When the boys arrived I was standing with some friends from school chatting and I here this "Hi Jemima" come from behind me. I turned around and in the dark I couldn't make out who it was. He yelled out his name, which I won't write here. I had gone to primary school with him. I have known him since I was five years old. Was in his class in grade four and six (and I think grade five as well, but I can't quite remember). I couldn't believe it was him. He looks just like he did in primary school, still. I have bumped into him a few times around school, because he walks past my school to get to his. I couldn't believe that I was at a party that he happened to rock up to without knowing the 'party princess'/birthday girl. He was just a friend of the Physics boys. I suppose it is a regular occurence if you go to parties a bit, but I don't. The only parties I go to are my friends and most of there friends are from school or music things and I have met most of them. It was strange to me, even though everyone I have told hasn't thought of it as so strange...

The party was good, lots of laughing. Home late, slept in this morning then cleaned up my room all day - gosh it needed it! I didn't realise how dreaful it was, my cupboards where full of handbags and toys that I forgot I had, or have never used - so they are all now gone! And now, I have a roast in the oven and Jack Johnson's new CD playing - I'm in a great mood!

very philosophical...

I new blog to read, and you must!

Answers? Not now...

An example:
"Can we just enjoy the graphics and pictures in a movie and forget about the story? "

over it...

Today is the last day of term two. The last day of semester one. The last day of the third last term of high school. The last day of a high school term two. And I'm so very over it. Time for the holidays.

I got over the boredom of Wednesday. And I booked myself in, finally, for my L's test - next Thrusday at 11:10am. I am kind of looking forward to it because I will have made some friends happy. That may not be the best reason to do something, but I am 18 this year, and my friends have been picking on me for months because I could have got my L's when I turned 16. Nearly two years late according to some of them. But hopefully, as of next Thursday I will be allowed to drive. However, at the moment I don't even know which pedal is the clutch, which the accelarator and which is the brake. And I have to learn a manual. Well, I don't have to learn a manual, but I want to because it means I can drive both a manual and an auto. And you know what, that makes sense! The next hurdle is to get a car. My mum and step-dad drive auto's so I have to find someone with a manual that I "borrow" to learn to drive in. Maybe I will get my dad to teach me, he has a manual. I did want my mum to teach me though - at least the basics. Then I have to get proper lessons.. Lots of fun! I hope...

Ooh, party time on Sunday night. Hannah's 18th birthday party! I am getting my mum to make me some new trousers for the event - let's all hope the pants turn out alright otherwise I will be stuck in my borrowing old jeans. And I am so incredibly sick of my jeans. I have been sick of a lot of my clothes lately - they are all very similar and boring. I wear jeans and a top, never 'trousers', never skirts (besides the fact I don't think I look any good in skirts, I prefer pants) and never any interesting tops. So that is my quest for when I leave school - start wearing interesting clothes. Like my mum - her clothes are more interesting than mine. She makes really cool jackets and skirts (now that she has found some long boots that she loves!). And puts groovy imaging and decorations on tops that make her look very cool. But she has to live up to being an fasion teacher - so I suppose she really has to look kind of cool. No, I think she just has cool taste. And she is a cool person too. A girl the other day in one of her classes asked if she could have my mum as her mum. She's mine! Hmph! And she's my sisters too, let's not forget...

One of the teachers who has been at my school for ages retires today. Well, today is his last day. Megan and I have to write an article about him and his ties for the school magazine. He has this HUGE collection of ties. He has been wearing one everyday this term and last term, I think. And Friday is Bow Tie day. I gave him a little question form to fill out with his answers that will me made into an article about him. Hopefully he has completed it and I can get it from him this morning. That is about the only thing I have to do in my spare periods this morning. Normally I have a huge list, but this morning, as it is the last day of term, everything seems to have pretty much wrapped itself up for the time being.

Last day of term.. Lovely!

days off...

While I love days off, sometimes they get so boring. Particularly when I don't have something interesting to do. I spent today playing computer games and watching TV, just a little bit boring. I know some people say that only boring people get bored, so maybe I'm boring.

Though what I did do was update my website. Five new photographs. Three more the other day. And with the holidays coming up hopefully there will be lots more photos.

And hopefully I will find something to do... God I'm bored...

changes...

Yesterday I was at a friends birthday party and one of their close family friends arrived. I have met her many times because I have been to many of this family's get togethers, so I know her. What I didn't know is that she has cancer. Last time I saw her she didn't, and this time she did. So much had changed. She looked fine, except she had shaved her hair short - otherwise she looked completely fine. I only properly realised what was going on when they started talking about chemo... I felt out of the loop. They were very considerate, didn't make a fuss. And I realised that in, maybe, five months (the last time I saw her) how so much could change. And for me, in five months I will have graduated from high school and be looking to the future. And five months after that I will be starting tertiary education (fingers crossed) and life will be completely different. So completely different.

"Not everything that is faced can be changed. But nothing can be changed until it is faced."
-- James Arthur Baldwin

grumpy and sick...

I hate being sick, and I am so I am grumpy. Being grumpy means this will be a very short post.

I have finished my Media Design Plan and am handing it in today - I love the final product and am very proud of it.


See, short...

sleep is what I need...

I just got back from school camp. By "just" I mean three hours ago. It was a pretty good camp. I ended up going to four University's but only two of them interest me and the one that really interests me (RMIT) had a shitty tour and presentation. But that is ok, a friend of mine is going to take me on a tour around the campus on Open Day.

Actually, some quite funny and fun things happened at camp. I shall make a list (in no realy order):

1. Megan was on crutches so couldn't walk around. This meant she was driven, which meant the teachers wanted her to have company which meant that Meaghan and I got to keep Megan company and that meant we got driven everywhere. Some of the other students weren't all that happy, but I did promise Megan's mother than I would look after her!

2. We nearly went past my dad's house

3. Megan, Meaghan and I talked about some incredibly strange things including: hairy legs, what colour underwear we had on, and who wasn't wearing a bra who should. These happened when we were extremely tired from a long day of listening to boring people talke - or at least that is my excuse!

4. Background: part of the camp was a movie and dinner last night. Meaghan, Megan and I were meant to be seeing Hitchhiker's but because of the whole car arrangement we had to go with Ms Backwell. This meant we went to the Nova and saw a movie called We Don't Live Here Anymore. Now, this movie is rated MA, and for good reason. There is sex, swearing, nudity and lots of adult themes. How do you think Ms Backwell felt taking in a group of 17/young 18 year old girls (including one of the prudish year 12s) to a movie based on a short story called Adultery? When Ms Backwell was driving Megan, Meaghan and I home she said "Now girls, you must promise me that you will all send me food baskets because I don't think I will have a job when school goes back on Wednesday". We laughed, but it is actually quite serious. None of the parents knew that their kids were going to see an MA movie. Although, we did have some say in the movie we saw, not much, but some.

5. Before the movie, Megan, Meaghan and I bought way too much food - chocolate!

6. I slept on the floor. This was because I really hate top bunks and that was all that was left when I got to the room, and plus the floor looked nicer than the bed.

7. I had to participate in a laughter session. Some reverand guy came and made us do all these fake laughing exercises. For me, it was just a little fake...

8. After going to Melb Uni today, we had free time. After free time we had to get back to the buses. Some people got lost. Now, I know it isn't really funny, but it was semi-funny because it wasn't happening to me...

They are pretty much the funny/fun things that happened.

Not a bad camp...

Tomorrow I have several things on my list of "to dos": have lunch out with my mum, aunty, cousin, uncle and other aunty (birthday celebration); get those photos of Rob and Peris out; and do some more Media. Ooh, and this weekend is an extra long weekend: four days off! The weekend, Queen's Birthday (I think) and a pupil free day! Then on Wednesday my Media is due in and it is Nicole's birthday. Then Thursday is my mum and aunty's birthday (twins) and Friday is Hannah's. Lots of birthday fun!! And the week after is the last week of term!! Holidays - woot! I have to catch up with so many people: Jasmine, Abby, Moo, James (maybe meet his new girlfriend), Kate, Jess... The list goes on...

But will I become a social butterfly - nup!

black and white...

I got the proofs of the role of film I used last weekend. Some of them are actually good, if I do say so myself. I have to print some 6x4s at school at some point, then I will scan them in to display on the web. I will have to form a new friendship with my scanner that I have never had. I don't particularly like it much, it is old and clunky. But, as Donna has told me time and time again, it is not necessarily the equipment you have, but how you use it. So I am going to try.

Last night was so very exciting. I don't think I posted about it. After the Apollo Bay Music Festival I contacted Rob Sawyer (local performer) and gave him some images that I took of him. I kept in semi-contact and asked if I could shoot him last night while he was playing another gig, he said yes. So I rocked up last night to Torquay, nervous as hell. I stood at the back of the croud for a bit unitl I spotted Rob wandering towards the entrane. I went over and introduced myself - he actually remembered me emailing him. He said it would be great if I took some photos and said I should have a chat to another band thePeriscopes who was playing because they needed some press photos. I was too chicked last night to talk to them about (even though all of the guys in the band are younger than me) so I will have to catch up with them another time...perhaps. Anyway, Rob said it would be great for me to take pics. So, I waited until he was on (he was last, thePeriscopes were before him, so I took some photos of them too) and took some pics. He worked out where I was in the crowd and kept grinning at me taking pics - he made me blush! Oh well... I got seom great shots (I think) and I got some more practice with manual exposure and manual focus ( and I normally hate the manual focus on my camera, but I think I will have to start using it to get the focus I want). It was lots of fun. I may post just one of the best pics here... maybe...

wintery warmth...

Winter started yesterday in the southern hemisphere (where I am) and it is cold. I has been cold for the past little while, but now it is officially winter coldness, not autumn coldness. I have take to sleeping with my electric blanket turned on all night because of how cold my house gets. I don't know if it is a good thing to do, but I have to or I don't sleep with cold! Wintery warmth is that best type of warmth. I love the feeling of getting home after school, putting some comfy clothes on and turning the heating on, and slowly the house gets warm...after being so cold, you are warm - lovely!!

The other thing I love about winter (other than it simply being the best season) is that I get to wear scarves! Over the past two years, since I learnt to knit, I have made a few scraves, and bought some too. I have lots of beautiful warm scarves to choose from, and I have nearly finished another. It is awesome! I may have to put some pictures up, because I love it! It is made with awesome green and browny-coloured wool, 100% pure wool! It is beautiful! I shall post it!

strange dreams...

I don't often dream, but when I do they are either lovely, exciting, or down-right strange. Last night's was strange:

I was at school just outside the library. I was looking into the library, looking for someone. I saw this electroic shcok thing pass between a record player and a computer and everything around these two objects blew up. I ran inside to see if everyone was ok, and they were just sitting around, cleaning up the rubble and chatting, like nothing had happened. I asked them about it and they said that yes there had been some time of explosion, but that it had happened about an hour ago. This confused me, but that was ok. Then I walked outside (it was lunch time) and was chatting to some friends when I looked down at my watch and saw that the second hand was spinning around the face - just spinning. I showed a teacher and asked what she thought, but she didn't say anything. Then these little sparks of lightening or electricity started going off in the sky, just randomly. It got really dark, and everyone got a little worried. Lots and lots of shooting stars were going all over the sky. Then it became light again, and everything was back to normal - even my watch. I figured it was just some freak thing, so I started off to class. As I was walking to class I noticed that something wasn't quite right, I couldn't work out what was wrong, but there was something. When I got the Brownbill (the building that is part of the school) the outside stairs weren't connected to the building, so I couldn't get in that way. I went around the building and inside to the internal stairs. I went up them and noticed that the colour of the paint on the walls was different, not completely different just a different shade of yellow. I went to class and we just did work. I got really bored, so I started hoping things in the room would change, like the words on the board or the colour of the whiteboard marker. And they did. I got slightly freaked-out, so I left the classroom and walked down the corridor. There was a mature-aged class (which there never is at my school) in one of the classrooms and they were giving a teacher I liked shit, so I did something, I can't remember what. Then I walked into another classroom and made a bowl of fruit salad pink and blue. But the fruit didn't properly change colour, the colour sort of floated over the shapes of the fruit, and swirled together. When I walked out the classroom, the end of the corridor was now a brick wall so I couldn't get out. One of the teachers I don't like walked past me and her face was all old and mangled - but I knew it was her. Then I walked over to the brick wall and tried pushing it out of the way - and it moved. Once it was out of the way, things started to go back to normal. The colours of the walls changed back to normal, the fruit salad became normal, and I couldn't make things change. And I woke up feeling scared... Strange!

The last time I had a dream like that I was in the top room of a really big building with lots of windows and lots of people. We were looking out over the city we were in, and the sky had changed to this electric whirl-pool of colour, and it was attacking us, or something...

When I told my step-dad about last night's dream, he decided that I had dreamt that way because I ate carrot cake, watched Dr Who and read The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy before bed. Strange...