weekends and confessions...

Well, not really confessions, but it sounds impressive..

I went to my dad's this weekend. And I am angry with him. I could handle it when he said he wasn't going to be at my 18th, he hasn't really been at any of my birthday parties since I was six and our family was actually still together. But last night he told me he wouldn't be at my graduation. Sure it doesn't seem like much, but my pissed off-edness has been boiling and this has just pushed me too far. Sure, I might seem like a melodramatic young girl, but it means something to me, so I think I have the right to vent - vent, vent, vent. Grr.. I don't really feel like having another bitch session about my father here, let's just say I am actually angry, rather than pissed off, and leave it at that.

That's all I wanted to write, nothing else to say. I should be doing homework instead of writing, so I should go do homework - hopefully it will get my mind off my anger..

the draft...

This is a bit of my draft for my English SAC - no one steal it!

As she sits she stares. Stares at the world. Stares in wonder. Stares at nothing but life. All around her is life. The buzzing of the bees and the growth of flowers. The sun shining down on the world. Each element works in harmony to create an oasis, a sanctuary. It is peaceful here. All she can hear are the birds in the trees and water in the river. All she can see is nature. There are no visible manmade objects. She is secluded.

As she sits she stares. Stares at the world. Stares in wonder. Stares at nothing but life. All around her is life. The honking of horns and the clatter of trams down the street. The sun shining down on the world. Each element competing for priority and creating chaos. There is no peace here. She can always hear cars or trucks. Occasionally a bird might tweet but manmade objects drown out the bird’s song. She is in the hustle and bustle of a city. She is in a metropolis.

Two experiences. Two locations. The world allows for both to exist, often simultaneously. Contrasts allow for new experiences. Contrasts help us to understand. The beauty of nature and the cement city may seem like two sides of a coin but they both exist in one world. In one life. For one person.

If anyone reading this has an opinion on it please tell me. I really want some feedback!

media on my mind...

This week is magazine week - Monday I worked on my media assignment for 5 hours, yesterday was 4.5 hours, today will be similar, tomorrow I have the whole day at school to do it (it is a pupil free day) and Friday I will have only 1.5 hours. Hopefully this thing gets completed on time...

I have an English Creative SAC next week - and no ideas about what to write. Well, that isn't quite true, just no ideas that I really like or think I could make into good pieces of work. I had an idea of doing a really descriptive piece, then do something about contrasts (between locations or stories), then I thought about putting these together. My latest idea was to write a piece focussing on two people in two different locations noticing what is around them - one in the country being 'free', and one in a traffic jam in the middle of a city feeling very 'un-free'. The two locations would alternate between paragraphs - one paragraph in the country, one in the city, one in the country, and so on and so forth. I'm not sure if I will follow this idea through or not. I kind of like it, but I'm not sure if I can make it descriptive enough, it may just end up being boring and not achieving anything I want it to - grr... I always hate creative pieces because I am not good at them, and I can't decide on one thing and follow it the way I imagined, like I do in report style essays. I did have the start of the piece though:

As she sits, she stares. Stares at the world. Stares in wonder. Stares at nothing but life.

That is all I have and I have to write it next Wednesday or Friday - I should really try harder in English, and leave my magazine alone for a while... School...

fifty and counting...

This is my 50th post! Oh yeah...

Big weekend, now I am tired. I went to two Eighteenths (one of which I got tipsy for the first time at) and had lunch with some friends. I actually managed to catch up with all my good friends in one weekend - I think the last time I achieved that was my birthday when they were all invited. Amanda's (on Friday night) was the party at which I got tipsy for the first time. It was all lovely until about 11:15pm when Ben realised that in 45mins his dad would be their to pick him up - and Ben was drunk!! He had drunk nearly a whole bottle of Vodka and two Red Eyes, so he wasn't quite with it. James (the other least drunk, but more drunk than me) and I looked after him and attempted to get him to calm down. He didn't and he got busted. I was telling people at school today how I had got tipsy for the first time on Friday and they laughed at me because I was treating it like a big achievement - well, it is for little 17 year old me! And my mum was teasing me about it! I kept denying that I was tipsy, because I didn't feel all that different, but she insisted that I was and that I should make sure I take some panadol and drink some water before I went to bed. At least I didn't throw up like some of the other guests...

negative and postive...

I developed my first films today! Actually, it was lots of fun and I am quite proud of myself - I did it on my own (after being run through the procedure). I freaked out a little bit on the second one when I could get the film onto the reel while in the bag-thing, but it sorted itself out! I must say, I think I need a better timing device for next time. I had no idea what the times were, and I was using my watch for a minute timer which wasn't really working. When I print some of the photos I will scan them and put them either here if I'm not 100% fond of them, or on my website if I love them. How exciting!!

the moment...

At the moment I am preparing for a Creative Writing SAC for English. I'm not very confident in my creative writing skills so this has been quite daunting. I think I have come up with an idea for my piece, though I'm not sure how successful I will be at making it what I want it to be. My idea is to write a piece about a woman sitting under a tree in the middle of no where and just noticing what is around her, discussing what is going on in her head and what her mind is pondering. The only problem with this is that I have never been a very descriptive writer, but I suppose that makes it a challenge. I wanted to set it in a beautiful and lush forest somewhere in spring, but I am worried that the setting is too "old", too "already done"... I might just try it anyway.

Today while I was baking biscuits (I got home from school an hour earlier than usual so I figured I would make something for my family) I noticed the tap dripping. The first thing I noticed was the light flare that was created when the drip formed and the sun light from the window hit it. I grabbed my camera and started taking photos. But the light flare just wouldn't be captured - it was elusive! What I did get, though, was the drip:

I thought it was cool..

philosophy and magazines...

I have been watching (and watched, now that it is finished) the mini-series Sophie's World on SBS. And I adore it!! I have had to tape each weeks because I have been out, and then when I watch them I refuse to let anyone interrupt me because I have to read the subtitles. I love getting lost in the sounds of the characters speaking Norwegian. And the very classic (and much repeated by Johanna and I):

Hilde Moller Knag (with a line through the 'o', but I don't know how to do that)

Jo and I were repeating it over and over today, annoying Hannah absolutely and completely in the process!! Sophie's World was very well done. However, I haven't read the book so I don't know if it stays true to the original. But I did love it. I loved the fact that I knew some of the philosophers and what they thought as soon as I heard their name (thanks to studying philosophy at school for two years). About Plato and Socrates, Kierkegard (unknown spelling) and Copernicus. It was a great series!

And my magazine is slowly getting there. Slowly... I have just done another 'photo shoot' for it - the cover of the second issue. Another cover with Sarah featuring. She is a good model, I have no idea what I am doing and she is good about it and seems to have fun. Now I am off to find and source some more images that I will be needing for some of the articles. Let's hope I can find what I have in mind!

school is boring...

Yes, school is boring. But oh well. At least something interesting is happening today. The Minister for Education is coming to school and I am getting out of IPM to take photos of her while she is here. There is some official reason why she is visiting this region, but I don't actually know what it is. All I know is she is coming to play for the Sweethearts and that my photos may eventually end up in the school newsletter and the school annual magazine at the end of the year - I mean, I am the official assistant photographer for the magazine, and lots of my photos have already been layed out ready for printing!!

That was so exciting yesterday seeing my photos layed out for the magazine. The teacher in charge came to show me the pages and to check some of the people who appear in the photos so they can have their name in the magazine! The layout looks really cool. There is a background image and some smaller images sitting on top that are framed like a polaroid - I was excited..

Another exciting thing, for me at least, is I am currently invited to the most party's ever at once. Did that make sense? At the moment I am invited to three party's, never before has this happened. I have been invited to two at once, which was three weeks ago, but never any more. I have my cousin's on Saturday night of this weekend, Amanda's on Friday night of next weekend and Erin's the day after Amanda's (on Saturday). They are all night party's too, which I suppose is what one would expect for a 20th and two 18ths. Now all I have to do is find presents. Three of us are giving Erin one particular present (which I won't write here, not that Erin will read it, but you know), and there was talk about me and another two people joining our funds to get Amanda something cool, but currently we have no real idea what to get. I know what I will get Amanda if I get something smaller, but I have no idea for big presents.. And Georgia (cousin) will get something from the family, so mum has to buy that.

And do you what? The rest of my life is boring school, so because I don't have anything left to say except to waffle on about school, I now plan to scoot - buh-bye!!

ending and beginning...

As the lovely school holidays end, the horrid school term begins. Homework, SACs, teachers.. Oh joy of joys! But I did have a lovely holiday. Friends and sleep overs, and pajamas! Took photos and got my learners - all peaches and cream. I really have nothing to write about here. Nothing interesting goes on. My life is simple and boring. Uninteresting. I do homework, I go to school, I have my dinner made for me and my clothes washed. I don't have to worry about much stuff. Urgh, I'm boring... I will shut up now..

driving and birthdays...

I went for my first semi-proper drive today. I got to reverse around corners, navigate around trees, change from asphalt to gravel roads and use the accelarator! It was so much fun. At the moment I officially love driving, but as yet I haven't had to deal with pedestrians or proper road rules, just controlling the car. I hope I still like driving when it is proper driving!

And birthdays. July marks the third birthday of my website, jemmyB, my cousin turns 20, Amanda turns 18, Hannah's mum has a birthday and my dad has one too. So many things to celebrate! And presents to buy - I wonder what I will get them all? Oh well, here's to you all, and my little website, I hope your birthdays are merry!

personality tests...

Main Type	Overall Self

Take Free Enneagram Personality Test

Enneagram Test Results Type 1 Perfectionism |||||||||||||||| 66% Type 2 Helpfulness |||||||||||||| 58% Type 3 Image Focus |||||||||||||| 54% Type 4 Hypersensitivity |||||||||||| 42% Type 5 Detachment |||||||||||||||| 62% Type 6 Anxiety |||||||||||||||| 70% Type 7 Adventurousness |||||| 22% Type 8 Aggressiveness |||||||||| 38% Type 9 Calmness |||||||||||||| 58% Your main type is 6 Your variant is social

Take Free Enneagram Personality Test

I agree with the first bit, but the second one says I am a perfectionist. I am for school work, but not really for anything else. But maybe this is the real me, and the one I think I am is just what I want to be, not who I am? Maybe I will never know who I am. Maybe we can only ever think we know ourselves. And others can only know parts of you, never all of you. Or maybe I am completely wrong, because I am only a 17 year old student who doesn't have much life experience... Maybe.

fun of parents...

So I don't edit or censor my life, I should really write about my night at my dad's. Not in too much detail because I have already gone through it all with my mum (it's not that bad, I just don't particularly like talking about it). I was at my dad's last night. Sarah and I had to stay the night, the necessary visit because our parents are divorced. It was only one night, instead of two like it used to be, but that doesn't make it any more enjoyable. We don't have to put up with the step-mother for as long, but we still have to put up with her for a bit. We had takeway, which we never have, and chatted about boring things like school and their work. And the usual topic of money, because I think it is my dad's most favourite topic ever!! He brings it up all the time, all the time! If we have new clothes, he brings it up. If we comment that we would like a car to learn to drive in, he quizzes us for about half an hour on the money aspect. If we vaguely mention a holiday, money is brought up - not what we might do when we go away, but how much things might cost. And if we comment about mum buying something there is the comment about how he pays mum child support so lots of what we have is from him (even though the child support pays for diddley-squat). Money, money, money. It drives me bonkers!

Then there is the necessary "look at me" from the step-mother. No matter what we are talking about, even if we are talking to our dad, she has to have her two cents worth. Even if it doesn't quite make sense, like today. She can't just leave us alone. She doesn't appear to care enough to stay in the conversation the whole time, yet she doesn't not care enough to keep out of it. It is like having a faint image of a different channel on the tv, it is annoying! It is always there, even though it is not quite there. It just gets in the way of what you really want to do. Just get seen, even though we don't really want to see it. You know...

And the lovely thing about today, was that my dad wants me to plan my birthday party (which is in October, three and a bit months away to be exact) now. He has been going on about it for about two months, and until today I hadn't worked out why. They reason he wants to know what is going on is because the step-mothers birthday is the day after mine, so they are meant to go and visit her. Even though I am 18. He probably won't turn up, hasn't turned up to any of my birthday party's since I was six. There is no way I will be planning my birthday this far in advance. I would love him to come, but... I don't know... Maybe I don't want him to come because no one in my family likes him. He is mean, most of the time. Simply mean. Maybe I can just try and get a decent present out of him for my 18th - shallow I know. But that is the only thing I can really get from him, though he doesn't have a good track record where presents are concerned. Every year he has fucked it up. Giving us a combined present of his old (and very outdated, and basically unusable) laptop one year. Getting us to shopping with him to choose what we want, then getting it wrong. Actually, that was a funny birthday present. I asked for silver and amethyst jewellery, perfume or a gift voucher for a book store. Sarah asked for simple gold jewellery and a gift voucher for a CD store. I got a gift voucher for a CD store and something not worth remembering, and Sarah got gold and amethyst earrings, perfume (which was yuk!) and a gift voucher for a book shop. We ended up swapping the gift vouchers, and never using the other things. Gosh there are so many more stories like that... How about the one where a friend of mine's dad (who lives in Texas, USA) has been to four of our netball games, and my dad (who lives one hour away) has been to one. Yep, that is one of the best!

Enough of me bad mouthing my father. Tomorrow I go off to visit my auntie and and uncle and help with their magazine. We are going on a fashion photo shoot, and I am getting a crash course in commercial magazine creation, which should help heaps for my media assignment - lots of fun to look forward to. Off to the bus at 10:55am tomorrow, yay!

a new driver...

I am a new driver! Yes, I passed my Learner's test with 88%. And now I have a little green Learners Permit card sitting in my wallet. Very awesome! It is funny when you get a new card for your wallet, or exciting might be a better word for me at least. It changed what my wallet looked like completely because I moved all my cards around, now I have my permit, then my debit card, then my school id card - green, aqua, white. Instead of white, aqua, white. I used to have my school id, then my debit card, then a special card for a camera printer to get free prints each month. Which, by the way, finished next month. My last month of free photos next week. And I have only just got up the guts to ask if they colour balance the images (which they do) and if they could please not. I will get them back soon for June soon, then we can see if the colours are right! Looking forward to that!