long time no blog...

Yes, It has been a little while... But at the moment I just don't feel dedicated to this. I have been focussing on the new version of my website that will be live soon, and on Uni. Blogging hasn't really been high of my priority list. And for that reason I am going to let myself have an official break. Or, really, just let anyone who reads this know that I won't be blogging very often - only when I get the urge.

Thanks for understanding!!

poetic?

I have had a poem (the best word to describe it) going through my head since yesterday, but I don't know if I came up with it or if I have heard it somewhere and it has stuck in my head... If anyone reading this knows which it is, please tell me! This is what has been in my head:

To bed, to bed
To sleep, to sleep
To dream, to dream
Of pretty things

Anyone?!

zoo reshoots...

The Zoo went well, except for the fact I only shot one roll of film for the entire day! got there at 9am, left at 5pm and only took one roll of film - all of the White-cheeked Gibbons. So tomorrow I am off with the animals again. A 9am start, with an early finish because I have to get home to get ready for work. Hopefully I will have a more productive day tomorrow. One of the major problems on Thursday was that the light was shitty. It was overcast for a lot of the day, but the breaks in the clouds brough 10min windows of light with which to take a decently exposed photo. So, hopefully, tomorrow will give more even light. The other problem was that, because I photographed monkeys who were in cages surrounded by bamboo the light was even more dim, so tomorrow I am going to photograph one of the animals that are in more open inclosures. And there is one more reason I want to reshoot - I got a new camera! I got a Canon EOS 3 and it is awesome! My old camera had become even less reliable with exposures and I was becoming concerned that because of the precision photography I am meant to be doing, an old and slightly crappy camera was not going to be of use. So now I have my new lovely thing that I am going to use! So off with the animals I go!

the folkie and the zoo...

The weekend (Port Fairy Folk Festival) was awesome! With my press pass I got to hang out back stage, and take all the photos I wanted. I got some great shots from back stage, and some awesome ones of Bomba. The Bomba gig was amazing. I got there just on their last song and Nicky Bomba just happened to allow six of the Sweethearts (a motown girl group formed by students from the high school I went to) on stage to dance with him and the group. I got some ok pics of that, but afterwards, once everyone was backstage, I got a group shot with about half the Sweethearts and Nicky Bomba. I plan to put the good shots on my website once I have updated it, and reorganised the photographs. Hopefully that will be done soon-ish, but I still don't have a design...

The next cool thing I am doing is going to the Melbourne Zoo on a uni assignment. On Thursday I am spending the entire day hanging out with the animals and taking a portrait of one of them. I've been trying to decide which animal to photograph. I was thinking maybe a hippopotamus, or a seal, or maybe a gorilla. I also have to incorporate their inclosure and show their features, ie. I have to show the animal truthfully, not the animal hiding, etc. It should be interesting. I think, if it works, I might include a couple of pics on my website. It needs some serious updating! And fingers crossed it doesn't rain on Thursday!!

cameras and old film...

It is nearing the end of my second week of uni. And it hasn't been such a bad week. Although, I did make one very silly mistake. I thought I had an excursion to the zoo today, good thing I listen in class (occasionally) because it is actually next Thursday. So today ended up being a lecture in photography, then a tut for photography. I only had half the tut though because my tutor is in Brisbane today, so we just had a guest speaker for the second half - as a result, I had a three-hour-long lunch! During that long lunch and stupidly walked all the way to Souther Cross Station (or Spencer St to most people) to get a train ticket for my trip home on Friday. I thought the walk would do my calf muscle (which I think I have sprained) a great deal of good - but it feels no different. Hopefully I will be able to succesfully ignore the pain for the weekend so I can dance and be merry at the Folkie.

On the subject of the Folkie, I have got some film together for it. 14 rolls in total. Four rolls are expired colour film (hopefully they will result in some great colour shifts) and lots of spare rolls that I haven't used yet. Hopefully that will be enough to last me the whole weekend. I probably should have got some more fast-speed black and white, but I think it'll be fine. I just can't wait! I am skipping one of my lectures tomorrow so I can get to Port Fairy at a semi-decent hour. And, if I catch it early, I will miss the end of the day rush - I figured that missing two hours of an incredibly boring lecture was better than having to put up with the crowd on the train, on a Friday afternoon leading into a long weekend. My program is starting to be coloured in, and my bag is about to be packed!!

second weeks a charm...

It is Sunday night before my second week oh uni. I now have all my textbooks, all the course descriptions and my stationary is organised - hopefully I will enjoy this week better than last week. I think I was just a bit freaked out by the new-ness of everything. New house. New school. New friends. New challenges. This week should be a little more settled, I hope. Although I do have my first Maths test tomorrow, and my first photography assignment on Thursday. We are going to the zoo to photograph the animals. I have to decide whether to catch the train or the tram to the zoo. I think the train will be the easiest, but I have to make sure I don't miss it! Well, I suppose that is a given for all public transport, so that shouldn't be a top concern. Actually my top worry currently is the other assignment I have been given. It is freaking me out but I am not 100% sure why. I think it is because I have never actually been told what to take a photograph of. I have directed people (friends, though, never strangers) so hopefully that isn't too hard. But I to plan the shoot, and that is something I have never done. In the past if I want to photograph a friend I just get them to hang out with me, muck around and snap a few shots. I have never been made to fix the lighting, meter the lighting correctly, use a stand-in model to get the shot correct, and have my subject fill only 1/3 of my photo - those sorts of guidelines I am scared of. But if I try I hope I will achieve something decent... It is a black and white shoot, so that's fun - it at least means that I don't have to worry too much about any colour casts.

And I have next weekend to look forward to. It is a long weekend and the Port Fairy Folk Festival! It is their 30th Festival which is exciting! And there are heaps of great acts. And I have media accreditation!! I can go back stage, and take photos!! Should be fun! It took a bit of convincing seeing I am attempting to get in with a guy (my stepdad) who has a radio program, but in the end I got it! I am really excited about that! I think I will just focus on next weekend when I start getting nervous or worried, and then I can stay positive. I think that should work. That or I will treat myself to chocolate - either way...

the day before...

It is the day before uni starts. The Sunday before my first university class. The weekend before I start the real life of a uni student. I am terrified. But not as much as I was last week.

I go through different moods and opinions about the course. Friday I was petrified that I would hate the course. Saturday I was concerned that I would be competent. Today I am terribly nervous, but I think that the course will be good.

Tomorrow I have two lectures - Maths and Imaging Theory & Practice. Nothing too scary. Maths is really just what I did in Maths Methods during VCE. And the other lecture is just theory stuff. I will be ok. I hope.

I suppose the thing I worry about most is that it isn't going to work. I am going to be late for classes, or not understand fundamentals, or not have enough experience, or not have the right equipment, or not have enough time... The things that pretty much everyone worries about. So I suppose if I cross my fingers and hope everything might just fall into place...

away from home...

I am about to finish my first week away from home. It is Friday and today I am heading back to my family for the weekend, but this week has certainly been interesting!

O Week was excellent - so much fun. I met nearly all of the people in my class (there are only 20 of us so it isn't that hard). I am absolutely and completed freaked out about Monday when classes start, but hopefully I will manage. I am worried that maybe I won't like the course, but I will just have to wait an see, I suppose. I kept getting lost on campus - the place is huge and different buildings connect so if you walk down one corridor you actually find yourself in a different building, which is fun. The library is two floors, and because it has just undergone major renovations, even some of the library staff don't know where everything is!

Ah, and my home away from home? It is interesting. On each floor there are 20 rooms - my floor is just about full and there are about 5 girls. I am the only girl in my hallway. Everyone is nice, which is good. I still haven't worked out the whole "cooking for myself, alone" bit. I keep my food stuffs in my room, and I haven't got that much space, so this week has either been two minute noodles, microwave dinners or eating out - that has to change. I have to sort out which is the cheapest, easiest and tasiest (or which is fits a bit of each...) then just live that way.

I am a bit nervous about today. I have to go shopping for heaps of photography equipment, which means a fair bit of $$$ will be spent. I always get a bit edgy when I have to do that - I just hope I buy the correct things! Or at least keeps receipts until I am positive I got the right things.

Well, now I am off to work out the tram system - I think I will be riding the tram at least 4 times today, then two trains, before I get home. The joys of public transport...

box jungle...

My room has a jungle of boxes. I move on Saturday and I started packing yesterday, so my room is half packed with open boxes all over the place. I can just get to my desk, and I have to climb over boxes to get around my room. I have even ended up sticking a box of rubbish outside my door just because it doesn't fit in the room. Currently I have three boxes on the go - one to go with me, one to stay and one of rubbish. The one to go with me is just about full, then I can get it out of the room.

And the list I wrote this morning with things that I need to do or buy is huge. I didn't think until this morning about how I will need saucepans and sharp knives and kitchen utensils. And I need to buy some groceries. Argh, there is so much to do!

I should probably go and do it all...

the moving ritual...

So, two weeks from today is my moving day.

I move in two weeks.

In two weeks, I will be living away from home.

And I have started the process. I have started cleaning out my cupboards. I have got boxes to pack my room away in. I have discovered that I have way too much stuff, and I will have to leave a lot of it with my parents. I have started developing my budget, and realising how expensive it will be to be a Photography student living away from home. I have started looking for a job in Melbourne. I have bought my own cutlery, and plates, etc. I now own two yellow tea towels of my own. I have 'Melbourne bed linen' - for Melbourne.

But I have yet to come up with a way to refer to the place I will be living. I tried calling it 'my apartment' but it is really just one room so 'apartment' seemed too much for it. I tried 'my room' but that wasn't really that different from from referring to my bedroom at home. The most recent one was 'my place', but that doesn't seem to be quite right either. I don't know... Maybe if I just try not to refer to it at all. But that won't work. I suppose I will keep working on a way to talk about it. I'm sure I will come up with something...

But even if I don't come up with a name for it, it is still where I will be living, at least for the next sixth months... On my own, for the first time in my life.

My mum told me how once she moved out of home for uni she never stayed at home again. After uni she got a house with her boyfriend of the time (who was to become my father), got married, got a family home and went from there. Maybe that will happen to me... Actually, my newest idea is that once I finish uni I will come back home for sixth months or so and work and save money, then try and work overseas for a while. I think that would be really exciting! A few of my friends are taking a Gap year and travelling, but I think I would like to do it once I have my skill - after uni. It would be an adventure that my mum has told me she has regreted all her life - she didn't travel and now she wishes she did, and I don't want to pass up that chance, even if I force the chance to come about!

So moving in two weeks, maybe travelling in three years... Adventures abound!!

once more a student...

On Wednesday I enrolled. Yes, I am again a student - an official student. An official uni student. That should scare me - and it does somedays, but funnily enough, today it doesn't seem to.

I was nervous before enrolling - I'm a chicken and so before I do anything new or different I get nervous. But, in the end, it all went very smoothly. I am now an RMIT student, who is one of nine just-finished year 12s in the course, and one of 22 students in the course. It is about the same size as a high school class, so it sounds pretty manageable for me. The scariest thing is that 13 of the students are mature aged, which will be quite different for me. And there could be boys - shock horror! I haven't actually been in classes with the opposite sex since primary school because I went to an all-girls high school - so that will take some getting used to.

And I am moving out in a few weeks - another new and exciting thing!! I move to a tiny little room, with shared facilities, but it should be fun! I will be able to do stuff for myself, but I suppose that can also be "I will have to to do stuff for myself", and also be selective about what I take. After I enrolled I went to check out the place. I will be on the 11th floor with a bit of a view. The building is a 'U' shape, and my room is in the part that can see the building, with a bit of a view out the side of the window - I must post a picture once I move in. I am incredibly excited about movin! Megs has said she will stay with me sometimes, so that will be exciting!!

Yes, I really am excited about moving - on with life!!

time for a big-en...

It's about time I caught up this blog with my life, not that there is all that much to write about except the daily activities of an 18 on holidays and planning for university. I know I promised something of substance, something imaginative... I will get there at some stage. Again, I make a promise I will try another day. But it is late and I just feel like writing about the daily goings-on in my life.

I came back from a little family holiday yesterday. We went to a homestead my aunty has just take over. It is beautiful! Luscious gardens, great expanses of nothing but nature, and time to myself to do whatever I wanted. I walked around taking photos one day, then the next I just sat under a tree on the gorgeous green grass all day and read my (700 page) book. I took some night photos of star trails and playing with light (which I may scan and show at some stage). I did a bit of driving. I slept on an incredibly uncomfortable sofa bed (which I ended up ignoring the last night, when I put the foam mattress on the floor so I didn't have metal bars digging into my hip). I relaxed and I enjoyed myself. It was a night little holiday, that's for certain!

While I was away I also got accepted into my university course. I was one of nine year 12 students to get a place - for a total of 22 places. I was so happy about it. I enrol next Wednesday and move on the 18th of February. Most of my friends got what they wanted to! I was excited for them about as much as I was excited for me!

I still have to remind myself (though this will sound dumb) that I really have moved on from high school. In two weeks (when high school goes back) I won't have to get up early to get my school uniform on and go to the start of year assembly. I am no longer a high school student. I am a university student - and it is scaring me silly! I just can't seem to get my head around it.

It may not really be such a big deal to other people, but I wasn't the student who waited for year 12 to come so she could leave. I was the scared, shy unadveturous student who was quite happy staying at high school because she new that (normally) five out of seven days she would get up and put her school uniform on before going to a very well-known, and safe environment. I had all my friends there, I had lovely teachers and I enjoyed the environment. I didn't become excited about university until recently when I realised that I had to think of it as an adventure rather than a fucking scary new part of my life that I might not handle - because the number of people who have succeeded in growing up is phenomenal.

I have to believe I can succeed. I just have to.

I will be moving out of home. Looking after myself. Getting to classes, and getting home from classes by myself. I will be catching the train to visit my family only on weekends and holidays. I won't be with them for breakfast and dinner and a lot of time in between, like I am used to. I will have to create my own new world, though I know the old one will still be there if I need it. And I'm sure I will. I mean, to be completely candid, I cried every night for the first week of high school because growing up just scared me so damn much.

I am a wuss. I am a sook. I am not courageous.

But I can do something if I put my mind to it. So that is what I am going to have to do. Face everything head on, and deal with it the best way I can come up with.

I just have to, because this is life. And it isn't going to just be easy or simple if I want it too. I have to try my hardest and live. Live each day if I must. But I will do it.

I am determined.

i will...

I will blog.

When I get home I promise, I will write something with some substance. Something with some meaning. Something, maybe, with some creativeness.

Or maybe I will just write about me, because by me and about me doesn't ever equal creative.

But I will blog.

I promise.

holiday life...

Sometimes I like being on holidays - other times I don't. I love having time to do what I want, but I then end up doing the same things all the time which, in the end, becomes boring. I still have close to two months left of holidays - uni doesn't start until the 6th of March. But I do move on the 20th, so that's exciting. Actually, it had turned out that I will move out of my bedroom earlier. The story is, I promised my sister we would swap rooms when I move away (my room is bigger). But now she wants the room before high school starts for the year - and that is on the 2nd of February. So I move out of my room into her room at the end of January, then to Melbourne at the end of February. So I sort of go into limbo for a couple of weeks. It will be good though, because on weekends I will come home to my "new room", so I will have some time to get used to it, and get it the way I feel comfortable! That's a plus. And it will force me to get rid of some of my stuff - I just have to much stuff!! I don't know how I accumulated it all! I have started doing some cleaning out, but I still have a long way to go...

I have just discovered the most beautiful singer. A half Icelandic, half Italian singer/songwriter named Emiliana Torrini. Her music is mesmerising! It is haunting and beautiful and melodic and lovely! I got her CD for Christmas, after, not just hinting, but asking that someone get it for me - and I'm so glad I did. I have been listening to her all week, and she is wonderful! I'm sure that Jo would like her!

It was pointed out to me yesterday that I have neglected photography. Mum commented that she found it ammusing that since I got into my photography course for next year, I haven't really picked up a camera. I mean, I took a few family shots of Christmas day and played with my Aunty's new camera, but that is about it. I haven't added any new pictures to my website in ages, and I haven't used any film in ages. I think I just go used to not having my camera while it was being fixed, and I haven't really been anywhere inspiring. I am going to the country in a week for a mini-holiday, and I plan to take both my film and digital cameras and hopefully take a few good pictures! It is meant to be really pretty where we are going - so I may have something photographic to show for it when I get back... Here's to hoping!

silly-ness abounds...

Happy New Year to one and all!! 2006 is sure to be an exciting year, at least for me - moving, turning 19, starting Uni.. Exciting stuff!!

New Years Eve was spent quietly with a good friend and a couple of bottles of Midori and Lemonade. We watched TV, and twirled poi in the backyard. Then just before midnight, we went running down the street (me in bare feet, and perhaps not quite running, more strolling) with glow sticks! They are awesome, and so much fun! This was then followed with bed at 1am, reading a book and getting a good night sleep because I had to work on Sunday. Not incredibly eventful - but lots of fun just the same!! I think I prefer doing the quiet thing rather than the all out drunkeness. I think it suits my personality!

This weeks holds not much for me. Working. Maybe taking some photographs. Cleaning out my bedroom. Getting some more stuff organised for moving. And more working. That is really about it. But I like it that way. And I plan to enjoy this week! As well as all the other weeks until Uni starts!!