so, decision made

Last time I posted I had decided I wanted to study teaching, well I have just finished applying! I have applied for both Deakin and Melbourne Uni, but I have put Deakin as number one. Basically because it will save money, and because I actually don't like being on the Melb Uni campus. I went there for Open Day, and I walked around for a little while and just walking around I realised that I don't feel comfortable on the campus - I just don't... I can't even really put my finger on the reason, but I just don't feel right. Oh well, Deakin will be good. I will still be at home, and still have my jobs. It will help me save money, because I have also decided/realised that I want to travel. So I was thinking that if everything goes 'to plan' after I graduate from uni I will travel around the world for a little while. I really want to! And I've never really thought about travelling before, but I just do!! I very excited!

In other news, I got my new laptop about 2 weeks ago! It's a gorgeous brown Dell. I must say I have had a few issues with Vista, but not too many. It was a bit silly with an external harddrive. But otherwise it is wonderful!! I finally put all my data from my old computer onto it last night, and so now it is my one and only computer! Excellent!

And also I have started driving again. I hadn't been driving in ages, then mum told me how she and John would be going to New Zealand in November, and then Perth in December so if I didn't have my licence I basically wouldn't be able to get anywhere... And plus, there will be a car to use over that time. So I went driving on Saturday, and I will go again during the week. I am a bit more determined now than I was before, and I think if I try really hard I can have my licence sooner rather than later. So that's awesome too...

decision making is a bitch...

So, it's been ages since I posted... But honestly I have nothing much to post about. All I have really been doing is working. And working. And working. Which is good, it's what I want to be doing, but it's not particularly fun to write about.

However, a more interesting thing that has been happening is my attempting to decide what I want to do with my future. Yes, the big question of a career. I have recently decided that I really want to study teaching - decision number one has been made. I have absolutely adored being in the classroom and helping to educate these little minds. Teaching, in my opinion, is one of the most important jobs. Which, as I've been thinking about it, has scared me something dreadful. To think that you have such a huge part in making these people who they are. I know that my personality and the person I am today was shaped by, yes, my family, but also my teachers. Mrs Aikman in prep was incredibly and gave me confidence in being at school. Mr Payne was excellent in grade 6 to push me into doing things I was chicken about - ie. bike ed. Ms Hanna was hugely important in year 7 for helping me get used to high school. And then Ms Miller really enforced my love of media. I remember Ms Boldys in grade 4 letting me help with decorating the classroom. They all helped me in such huge ways. And to think I could, maybe one day, be that important to a little persons life - it's huge!! But, then I remind myself that I have four years of studying before I get out into the classroom as a proper teacher, and I'm pretty sure that at 24 years old I will be much better able to deal with the huge implication of being a teacher. But, I'm now sure, I want to be a teacher.

Actually that is probably one of the first times I have said it with such certainty. I normally say "I'm pretty sure", or "I think I want to" - so writing that is really awesome!

The next decision is the one regarding which university I would like to be at. It basically comes down to Deakin Uni or Melbourne Uni. And, of course, there are pros and cons... Getting into Deakin would mean living at home, having two jobs already (who have both told me they would keep me on) and being at a campus I know. Getting into Melbourne would mean moving out of home, finding a new job, and being at a new campus. Now, normally I would immediately gravitate towards Deakin - it's comfortable, I know where I would be, how I would get there, and that I would have all my family support system around. But... And this is the unusual thing for me... I am finding the prospect of living at home for another 4 years rather depressing. And I get really excited about the prospect of moving out into the big wide world. If I was to move to Melbourne, I would live with Megs (we have already discussed this prospect at great lengths). And we would have an absolute ball!! We have actually discussed decor for our house already!

So... Melbourne would be brilliant, and I think that is where I'd like to be. But I have to remember that they might not want me, and if I get my hopes up too much, I could be very sorely disappointed. Oh well, I'm sure I will have fun wherever I am! I hope...

don't know Winnie?!

Hmm... I have done some really exciting things recently. Well, exciting may not be the best descriptor, they have certainly been fun though! I started volunteer work at a primary school. It was such fun the Friday I started! I am helping out in a grade 1 and 2 composite class. Some of the kids had drawn pictures of what they thought I would look like, and some had written, and decorated, my name. Then they stuck them to the door as a welcome - it was so gorgeous!! They are some of the sweetest kids I have ever met. At the start of the day I got welcomed into the class with a Q&A (1. What is my favourite colour? 2. What is my favourite animal? 3. What is my favourite food? 4. Do I like makeup? Orange, cats, pizza and sometimes) and a performance (they learn Italian so they did a song in Italian with hand actions!). I helped out with a spelling test (yes, back to putting words in sentences: "The grass is green" - it was Gr words this week). I got to play Celebrity Heads (they didn't know who Winnie the Pooh was...) and was taught to play Yahtzee by a 7-year-old! All in all it was an excellent day. And I am now totally and seriously considering studying Primary Education at University. I'm thinking either Deakin University or Melbourne University (and at Melb I would be the last year of intake because of the Melbourne Model). So yes, I think I may be on my way to knowing what "career" I would like.

And it was the Apollo Bay Music Festival last weekend. It was so much fun! I was only there for Saturday and Sunday, I was at the primary school on Friday, then worked Friday evening, so I didn't get down 'til Saturday - and then I was really worn out from the day before... But it was great fun. The highlights were: Cornerstone Roots (great reggae/roots), De Jah Groove (very cool to dance to) and Sweethearts (the band from the high school I went to, they probably performed the best I have ever seen them). Yep, a brilliant, but very tiring, weekend!

And today is ANZAC Day. So: lest we forget.

And, I just realised, I let my last post - my 100th post - go by with no celebrations. So I just wanted to mention it. This is officially post number 101! Wow!

sun and washing...

It's the second month of Autumn and there is still plenty of warm, lovely sunshine to dry my washing on the clothesline! And beautiful blue skies.

eBay and chocolate

Well, Happy Easter to one and all! I got some wonderful chocolate which of course I have eaten too much of but it was so delicious. The best was these little square chocolates which were hot cross bun flavoured! They were awesome.

I also took advantage of this long weekend to get some things up on eBay. Gosh, that was fun! I currently have 38 items up... First some didn't show up, and now I am into the excitement of having bids! Who knew watching people spend money could be such fun! Oh, and seeing how many watchers you have on your items, that's just a blast. I think one of the items has 10 watchers! I can see it being addictive, which is a worry. Actually, a couple of friends have been using it as a side business. They go op shopping and sell what they find, which is pretty cool. Maybe that's something I should think about seeing I have quite a bit of spare time...

And working at the icecream shop is awesome. I just really like having something to do, and have a good laugh doing it. So, yeah, I'm really happy at the moment. I love the way things are going. And I am getting a little excited about the prospect of a holiday in summer. There has been consideration of New Zealand - awesome!!

sick ick ick

I have a cold. I haven't had one in ages and it is making me grumpy. Mostly because it's not a full blown cold, I just feel crummy and have a cough. Blegh...

But I have updated my resume and got my cover letter together, so tomorrow I am going to try and get myself another job! I am actually kind of excited about it. My first stop is a place a used to work at who, or so I hear, is looking for an extra staff member (particularly as school holidays are coming up). So, fingers crossed, I will be scooping ice-cream once more! Well, not until my cold is mostly gone, but I am down to just the cough, so it is on it's way out!

And I have a couple of extra shifts coming up at the book store. I love working there! I am getting trained up to do the stock receiving, which I am loving, and that means that the lady who normally does the receiving can go on holidays and I can cover for her - which would be great! The other day I had to bring in 474 copies of Mr Men and Little Miss books (6 copies of each title) - that was a nightmare. At first count I was missing 12 books, then when I checked the titles I was only missing one title, which meant I was only missing 6 books. I counted an extra two times, but I didn't know what to do if I was missing books, so I left them to be checked by the lady who normally does the receiving. Lo-and-behold there were in fact 6 books missing - I hadn't gone nuts! But I really like bringing the stock in - I get to use the pricing gun which is fun! Basically I just enjoy working there.

I still haven't found myself a project to fill my time with, but hopefully another job will help - and I can always catch up on all the good books that have been released that I haven't read.

In fact I just finished one this afternoon. It called on the Jellicoe Road by Melina Marchetta. It's about a girl named Taylor who doesn't really know her family history and through friends, and family she never knew she had she learns about herself and her past. It was wonderful! A couple of spots brought a tear to my eye, but it all worked out so beautifully. Everything was resolved - and not just like loose ends were tied up in the last chapter. It was really, properly resolved. It is aimed at a young adult market, but I think adults would enjoy it too.

And tonight I think I will start The Shoe Queen by Anna Davis. It's about shoes, obviously, and I got it for my mum but it looks interesting so I might give it a go. Well, I will read that after House MD and Medium. Yes, I am a fan of Dr Gregory House and Mrs Alison DuBois. Actually, I think Wednesday night is the only night my whole family agrees about what we should watch on television. Oh, wait, I take that back. Sunday is also a day we agree - Grey's Anatomy. But only those two, the other nights there are differences of opinion, so it's a good thing we have more than one tv! Yep, I'm off to watch House MD - I wonder what he will get up to tonight...

am I back?

I think I am. Back, I mean. I disappeared for a while there, didn't I?

Well, a lot has happened since I last blogged in April of '06. I finished first year of my course with an average grade of a Distinction, and then took a leave of absence. Yep, lots of people have found this odd - except me. See, when I chose to do my course it probably wasn't for best reasons, mainly that other people thought I would enjoy it, and I didn't know what else to do. So here we are now, and I'm out in the workforce. I am happier. But I am feeling a bit lost at the moment. Now I don't know what I want to do, and I only have a part time job so I have a whole lot of time to basically be a home-body. Which, I suppose inevitably, has begun to make me feel a little depressed. I basically look after the house for my family - I clean, I cook, and I'm boring...

I really need a focus. In fact, I'm a bit desperate for a focus. A project. But I can't sow. I can't paint. I spent all of last year taking photos, which made me miserable. I just don't know what to do. Even writing this is making me feel crummy.

I have to come up with something to do for this year - I really can't keep going the way I have been. I am going to visit a shop I used to work at tomorrow to see if they need any extra staff members, to at least use up some more time. And lots of people have suggested that I work hard to save some money and go travelling. I'm a bit chicken though - I'm scared to go somewhere on my own. Yes, I'm not particularly brave. So maybe going somewhere on my own would be hugely beneficial. I've certainly heard stories about travelling changing your life. In fact, a great Aunt of mine was telling me the other day how the six months her daughter spent abroad was the best thing that could have happened to her - it changed her, and made her more independent, and stronger. So that is definitely something I should look into properly.

I really do just want something to fill up my days, so I don't sit around the house - that makes me miserable.

Gosh, hasn't this post turned into something pathetic. In truth, life isn't that bad. I have really been enjoying cooking different recipes, and having time to relax, and work at my favourite job ever - the book store. I have been reading lots. And in all honesty I really enjoy doing clothes washing - it's fun! I just don't like the way I seem to other people... maybe that's the problem, not me... Oh, who the hell knows. I'll just keep on keeping on and see what comes out of following some options. I am only 19, after all.

long time no blog...

Yes, It has been a little while... But at the moment I just don't feel dedicated to this. I have been focussing on the new version of my website that will be live soon, and on Uni. Blogging hasn't really been high of my priority list. And for that reason I am going to let myself have an official break. Or, really, just let anyone who reads this know that I won't be blogging very often - only when I get the urge.

Thanks for understanding!!

poetic?

I have had a poem (the best word to describe it) going through my head since yesterday, but I don't know if I came up with it or if I have heard it somewhere and it has stuck in my head... If anyone reading this knows which it is, please tell me! This is what has been in my head:

To bed, to bed
To sleep, to sleep
To dream, to dream
Of pretty things

Anyone?!

zoo reshoots...

The Zoo went well, except for the fact I only shot one roll of film for the entire day! got there at 9am, left at 5pm and only took one roll of film - all of the White-cheeked Gibbons. So tomorrow I am off with the animals again. A 9am start, with an early finish because I have to get home to get ready for work. Hopefully I will have a more productive day tomorrow. One of the major problems on Thursday was that the light was shitty. It was overcast for a lot of the day, but the breaks in the clouds brough 10min windows of light with which to take a decently exposed photo. So, hopefully, tomorrow will give more even light. The other problem was that, because I photographed monkeys who were in cages surrounded by bamboo the light was even more dim, so tomorrow I am going to photograph one of the animals that are in more open inclosures. And there is one more reason I want to reshoot - I got a new camera! I got a Canon EOS 3 and it is awesome! My old camera had become even less reliable with exposures and I was becoming concerned that because of the precision photography I am meant to be doing, an old and slightly crappy camera was not going to be of use. So now I have my new lovely thing that I am going to use! So off with the animals I go!

the folkie and the zoo...

The weekend (Port Fairy Folk Festival) was awesome! With my press pass I got to hang out back stage, and take all the photos I wanted. I got some great shots from back stage, and some awesome ones of Bomba. The Bomba gig was amazing. I got there just on their last song and Nicky Bomba just happened to allow six of the Sweethearts (a motown girl group formed by students from the high school I went to) on stage to dance with him and the group. I got some ok pics of that, but afterwards, once everyone was backstage, I got a group shot with about half the Sweethearts and Nicky Bomba. I plan to put the good shots on my website once I have updated it, and reorganised the photographs. Hopefully that will be done soon-ish, but I still don't have a design...

The next cool thing I am doing is going to the Melbourne Zoo on a uni assignment. On Thursday I am spending the entire day hanging out with the animals and taking a portrait of one of them. I've been trying to decide which animal to photograph. I was thinking maybe a hippopotamus, or a seal, or maybe a gorilla. I also have to incorporate their inclosure and show their features, ie. I have to show the animal truthfully, not the animal hiding, etc. It should be interesting. I think, if it works, I might include a couple of pics on my website. It needs some serious updating! And fingers crossed it doesn't rain on Thursday!!

cameras and old film...

It is nearing the end of my second week of uni. And it hasn't been such a bad week. Although, I did make one very silly mistake. I thought I had an excursion to the zoo today, good thing I listen in class (occasionally) because it is actually next Thursday. So today ended up being a lecture in photography, then a tut for photography. I only had half the tut though because my tutor is in Brisbane today, so we just had a guest speaker for the second half - as a result, I had a three-hour-long lunch! During that long lunch and stupidly walked all the way to Souther Cross Station (or Spencer St to most people) to get a train ticket for my trip home on Friday. I thought the walk would do my calf muscle (which I think I have sprained) a great deal of good - but it feels no different. Hopefully I will be able to succesfully ignore the pain for the weekend so I can dance and be merry at the Folkie.

On the subject of the Folkie, I have got some film together for it. 14 rolls in total. Four rolls are expired colour film (hopefully they will result in some great colour shifts) and lots of spare rolls that I haven't used yet. Hopefully that will be enough to last me the whole weekend. I probably should have got some more fast-speed black and white, but I think it'll be fine. I just can't wait! I am skipping one of my lectures tomorrow so I can get to Port Fairy at a semi-decent hour. And, if I catch it early, I will miss the end of the day rush - I figured that missing two hours of an incredibly boring lecture was better than having to put up with the crowd on the train, on a Friday afternoon leading into a long weekend. My program is starting to be coloured in, and my bag is about to be packed!!

second weeks a charm...

It is Sunday night before my second week oh uni. I now have all my textbooks, all the course descriptions and my stationary is organised - hopefully I will enjoy this week better than last week. I think I was just a bit freaked out by the new-ness of everything. New house. New school. New friends. New challenges. This week should be a little more settled, I hope. Although I do have my first Maths test tomorrow, and my first photography assignment on Thursday. We are going to the zoo to photograph the animals. I have to decide whether to catch the train or the tram to the zoo. I think the train will be the easiest, but I have to make sure I don't miss it! Well, I suppose that is a given for all public transport, so that shouldn't be a top concern. Actually my top worry currently is the other assignment I have been given. It is freaking me out but I am not 100% sure why. I think it is because I have never actually been told what to take a photograph of. I have directed people (friends, though, never strangers) so hopefully that isn't too hard. But I to plan the shoot, and that is something I have never done. In the past if I want to photograph a friend I just get them to hang out with me, muck around and snap a few shots. I have never been made to fix the lighting, meter the lighting correctly, use a stand-in model to get the shot correct, and have my subject fill only 1/3 of my photo - those sorts of guidelines I am scared of. But if I try I hope I will achieve something decent... It is a black and white shoot, so that's fun - it at least means that I don't have to worry too much about any colour casts.

And I have next weekend to look forward to. It is a long weekend and the Port Fairy Folk Festival! It is their 30th Festival which is exciting! And there are heaps of great acts. And I have media accreditation!! I can go back stage, and take photos!! Should be fun! It took a bit of convincing seeing I am attempting to get in with a guy (my stepdad) who has a radio program, but in the end I got it! I am really excited about that! I think I will just focus on next weekend when I start getting nervous or worried, and then I can stay positive. I think that should work. That or I will treat myself to chocolate - either way...

the day before...

It is the day before uni starts. The Sunday before my first university class. The weekend before I start the real life of a uni student. I am terrified. But not as much as I was last week.

I go through different moods and opinions about the course. Friday I was petrified that I would hate the course. Saturday I was concerned that I would be competent. Today I am terribly nervous, but I think that the course will be good.

Tomorrow I have two lectures - Maths and Imaging Theory & Practice. Nothing too scary. Maths is really just what I did in Maths Methods during VCE. And the other lecture is just theory stuff. I will be ok. I hope.

I suppose the thing I worry about most is that it isn't going to work. I am going to be late for classes, or not understand fundamentals, or not have enough experience, or not have the right equipment, or not have enough time... The things that pretty much everyone worries about. So I suppose if I cross my fingers and hope everything might just fall into place...

away from home...

I am about to finish my first week away from home. It is Friday and today I am heading back to my family for the weekend, but this week has certainly been interesting!

O Week was excellent - so much fun. I met nearly all of the people in my class (there are only 20 of us so it isn't that hard). I am absolutely and completed freaked out about Monday when classes start, but hopefully I will manage. I am worried that maybe I won't like the course, but I will just have to wait an see, I suppose. I kept getting lost on campus - the place is huge and different buildings connect so if you walk down one corridor you actually find yourself in a different building, which is fun. The library is two floors, and because it has just undergone major renovations, even some of the library staff don't know where everything is!

Ah, and my home away from home? It is interesting. On each floor there are 20 rooms - my floor is just about full and there are about 5 girls. I am the only girl in my hallway. Everyone is nice, which is good. I still haven't worked out the whole "cooking for myself, alone" bit. I keep my food stuffs in my room, and I haven't got that much space, so this week has either been two minute noodles, microwave dinners or eating out - that has to change. I have to sort out which is the cheapest, easiest and tasiest (or which is fits a bit of each...) then just live that way.

I am a bit nervous about today. I have to go shopping for heaps of photography equipment, which means a fair bit of $$$ will be spent. I always get a bit edgy when I have to do that - I just hope I buy the correct things! Or at least keeps receipts until I am positive I got the right things.

Well, now I am off to work out the tram system - I think I will be riding the tram at least 4 times today, then two trains, before I get home. The joys of public transport...

box jungle...

My room has a jungle of boxes. I move on Saturday and I started packing yesterday, so my room is half packed with open boxes all over the place. I can just get to my desk, and I have to climb over boxes to get around my room. I have even ended up sticking a box of rubbish outside my door just because it doesn't fit in the room. Currently I have three boxes on the go - one to go with me, one to stay and one of rubbish. The one to go with me is just about full, then I can get it out of the room.

And the list I wrote this morning with things that I need to do or buy is huge. I didn't think until this morning about how I will need saucepans and sharp knives and kitchen utensils. And I need to buy some groceries. Argh, there is so much to do!

I should probably go and do it all...

the moving ritual...

So, two weeks from today is my moving day.

I move in two weeks.

In two weeks, I will be living away from home.

And I have started the process. I have started cleaning out my cupboards. I have got boxes to pack my room away in. I have discovered that I have way too much stuff, and I will have to leave a lot of it with my parents. I have started developing my budget, and realising how expensive it will be to be a Photography student living away from home. I have started looking for a job in Melbourne. I have bought my own cutlery, and plates, etc. I now own two yellow tea towels of my own. I have 'Melbourne bed linen' - for Melbourne.

But I have yet to come up with a way to refer to the place I will be living. I tried calling it 'my apartment' but it is really just one room so 'apartment' seemed too much for it. I tried 'my room' but that wasn't really that different from from referring to my bedroom at home. The most recent one was 'my place', but that doesn't seem to be quite right either. I don't know... Maybe if I just try not to refer to it at all. But that won't work. I suppose I will keep working on a way to talk about it. I'm sure I will come up with something...

But even if I don't come up with a name for it, it is still where I will be living, at least for the next sixth months... On my own, for the first time in my life.

My mum told me how once she moved out of home for uni she never stayed at home again. After uni she got a house with her boyfriend of the time (who was to become my father), got married, got a family home and went from there. Maybe that will happen to me... Actually, my newest idea is that once I finish uni I will come back home for sixth months or so and work and save money, then try and work overseas for a while. I think that would be really exciting! A few of my friends are taking a Gap year and travelling, but I think I would like to do it once I have my skill - after uni. It would be an adventure that my mum has told me she has regreted all her life - she didn't travel and now she wishes she did, and I don't want to pass up that chance, even if I force the chance to come about!

So moving in two weeks, maybe travelling in three years... Adventures abound!!

once more a student...

On Wednesday I enrolled. Yes, I am again a student - an official student. An official uni student. That should scare me - and it does somedays, but funnily enough, today it doesn't seem to.

I was nervous before enrolling - I'm a chicken and so before I do anything new or different I get nervous. But, in the end, it all went very smoothly. I am now an RMIT student, who is one of nine just-finished year 12s in the course, and one of 22 students in the course. It is about the same size as a high school class, so it sounds pretty manageable for me. The scariest thing is that 13 of the students are mature aged, which will be quite different for me. And there could be boys - shock horror! I haven't actually been in classes with the opposite sex since primary school because I went to an all-girls high school - so that will take some getting used to.

And I am moving out in a few weeks - another new and exciting thing!! I move to a tiny little room, with shared facilities, but it should be fun! I will be able to do stuff for myself, but I suppose that can also be "I will have to to do stuff for myself", and also be selective about what I take. After I enrolled I went to check out the place. I will be on the 11th floor with a bit of a view. The building is a 'U' shape, and my room is in the part that can see the building, with a bit of a view out the side of the window - I must post a picture once I move in. I am incredibly excited about movin! Megs has said she will stay with me sometimes, so that will be exciting!!

Yes, I really am excited about moving - on with life!!

time for a big-en...

It's about time I caught up this blog with my life, not that there is all that much to write about except the daily activities of an 18 on holidays and planning for university. I know I promised something of substance, something imaginative... I will get there at some stage. Again, I make a promise I will try another day. But it is late and I just feel like writing about the daily goings-on in my life.

I came back from a little family holiday yesterday. We went to a homestead my aunty has just take over. It is beautiful! Luscious gardens, great expanses of nothing but nature, and time to myself to do whatever I wanted. I walked around taking photos one day, then the next I just sat under a tree on the gorgeous green grass all day and read my (700 page) book. I took some night photos of star trails and playing with light (which I may scan and show at some stage). I did a bit of driving. I slept on an incredibly uncomfortable sofa bed (which I ended up ignoring the last night, when I put the foam mattress on the floor so I didn't have metal bars digging into my hip). I relaxed and I enjoyed myself. It was a night little holiday, that's for certain!

While I was away I also got accepted into my university course. I was one of nine year 12 students to get a place - for a total of 22 places. I was so happy about it. I enrol next Wednesday and move on the 18th of February. Most of my friends got what they wanted to! I was excited for them about as much as I was excited for me!

I still have to remind myself (though this will sound dumb) that I really have moved on from high school. In two weeks (when high school goes back) I won't have to get up early to get my school uniform on and go to the start of year assembly. I am no longer a high school student. I am a university student - and it is scaring me silly! I just can't seem to get my head around it.

It may not really be such a big deal to other people, but I wasn't the student who waited for year 12 to come so she could leave. I was the scared, shy unadveturous student who was quite happy staying at high school because she new that (normally) five out of seven days she would get up and put her school uniform on before going to a very well-known, and safe environment. I had all my friends there, I had lovely teachers and I enjoyed the environment. I didn't become excited about university until recently when I realised that I had to think of it as an adventure rather than a fucking scary new part of my life that I might not handle - because the number of people who have succeeded in growing up is phenomenal.

I have to believe I can succeed. I just have to.

I will be moving out of home. Looking after myself. Getting to classes, and getting home from classes by myself. I will be catching the train to visit my family only on weekends and holidays. I won't be with them for breakfast and dinner and a lot of time in between, like I am used to. I will have to create my own new world, though I know the old one will still be there if I need it. And I'm sure I will. I mean, to be completely candid, I cried every night for the first week of high school because growing up just scared me so damn much.

I am a wuss. I am a sook. I am not courageous.

But I can do something if I put my mind to it. So that is what I am going to have to do. Face everything head on, and deal with it the best way I can come up with.

I just have to, because this is life. And it isn't going to just be easy or simple if I want it too. I have to try my hardest and live. Live each day if I must. But I will do it.

I am determined.

i will...

I will blog.

When I get home I promise, I will write something with some substance. Something with some meaning. Something, maybe, with some creativeness.

Or maybe I will just write about me, because by me and about me doesn't ever equal creative.

But I will blog.

I promise.