don't panic...

I should really follow the advice I give out to people: "Don't panic, everything will be fine". But I don't.

Every night this week and last week as people start talking more and more about next year I have these mini panic attacks. 'Next year' is that special first year out of high school. Into the big, bad world. I remember in year seven when I started high school that year twelve, finishing, seemed like a million years away. It was something I never really thought about. I love school, and was quite happy that finishing was a million years away. But now it's not. Now finishing is just around the corner. My last day of actual school is the 20th of October. That's it. After that high school is completed. Onto Uni and the world.. Out into the real world of bills, cars, houses..

I am are scared stiff. Monday I found my 'dream Uni course'. It as called Bachelor of Arts (Photography). I think I would love it. I was talking to my mum last night about life and whingeing that I didn't have any time to update my website or take photos. She told me to imagine what it will be like if I do a degree in photography - I won't have to do much else except for photography. That made me happy. But then I thought about the rest of it. I say I'm an independant person. I love being on my own. And I am often confident - when I'm not out of my comfort zone. Pull me out of what I know and I am timid as a mouse.. I don't talk, I don't interact.. I become boring. Most parties I go to I turn into this person. When it's a friends party it isn't so bad, but through in lots of people I don't really know and I will find a nice corner in the room and stay there. So next year frightens me.

It frightens me because I don't know what will happen. It frightens be because I can't be certain something will happen. It frightens me because I can't plan everything and be sure about everything. I may sound like a bit of a wuss, but I don't care. That's me! A wuss. I've never been on a rollercoaster, I've never been drunk, I've never been kissed. I'm just boring, timid me.

I hate uncertainties..